Bella's Journal The Forks Years
by Emma-MasenCullen
Summary: Edward is watching Bella sleep, as he does every night. But tonight he stumbles across a myterious book that happens to be Bella's diary. Will he read it? What will happen if he does? Does Bella find out? Read on to find out...
1. In Which Edward Finds Bella Journal

Bella's Journal

**Chapter One: In which Edward finds Bella's Journal.**

Edward had just left Bella for the night. She had gone about her usual nightly routine, thinking that Edward had gone home to the rest of his family. How wrong she was. Edward, indeed, had gone home to the rest of his family. He had left his car and had already run back, waiting outside her bedroom window. He had to wait until she had fallen asleep, which could take quite a while, but it felt like nothing to him. When she had fallen to sleep, he opened the window carefully, climbing through it, closing it behind quietly so not to wake her.

He resumed his normal place, in the chair by the window, which was not only the most convenient place for a quick exit, but it was the perfect place to watch her sleep. Bella fascinated him, even in her sleep, as she spoke about the most random things, but mostly about him, which he enjoyed very much. He thought, though, what he was doing was wrong, but he just couldn't keep away, he loved her too much to think rationally, or of anyone else but himself…and of course Bella.

Tonight was a relatively peaceful night, she was tossing and turning very little, and she didn't say very much either, just Edward's name, and that she wanted him to stay. Edward liked the thought of staying, he liked it very much. Usually, Bella didn't sleep this peaceful, it was already 2 in the morning and he usually had to leave twice by then. She would be saying "Edward, don't leave me, not like this" or "No, Edward, please," and she'd wake up nearly screaming his name. Edward, like the fact he was a starring character in her dreams, but not the fact he had no idea what was going on, or how to stop her worrying about him leaving or whatever else he was doing in her dreams. He was a little worried that none of the typical occurrences where happening but everything seemed ok.

He watched her tentatively, as she lay there, still, a sleeping beauty in a world full of thorns, gently sweeping stray strands of hair out of her face. He kissed her lightly on her forehead before going back to sit in the chair. Just as he took another step he nearly tripped and fell over a book. Edward falling over something over something was an unusual event, but finding a book on Bella's bedroom floor was not. This book was different. It had no dusk cover, which all of Bella's books had, as she only ever bought hardback books. The next abnormal thing that Edward noticed was that it was incredibly old and tatty, like it had been forgotten about. Bella never forgot about books, and her books were only tatty down the spine from being read too much, this book's spine was in pristine condition. Next, he noticed that the book cover was made of smooth, red velvet, which was odd for any reading book to have. It had a gold pattern, like entwined leaves, around the border. It was a very beautiful book, despite it very poor state, but the book had no title

Curiosity arose in him instantaneously, wondering what secrets that this unique book may be concealing. Crossing to the chair, he scoped up the book, unable to resist. He opened the velvet cover of the book. He knew what he was doing was unacceptable, he knew that if Bella ever found out he was reading her books, or even in her room at night, she become extremely outraged, which he hoped never would happen. But the curiosity to find out what this book contained, whether it be another Austin novel which it was most likely to be, or something a little different, he just had to know, he was compelled to read it. So, unable to resist any longer after he brief internal battle with morals, he opened it fully, reading the first page – which was blank. He turned the page, to find the first page with words on, it read:

_Welcome To the Journal of Bella Swan_

_The Forks Years_

Edward smiled to himself. It was most unexpected; he didn't think Bella was the type of girl who kept a journal; she was more of a reader than a writer. Now, he knew the secrets of the strange, red book, but something inside him was still not satisfied. Knowing it was Bella's diary, he didn't want to read it, just as if Bella came across his diary's he wouldn't want her to read them. He knew that it was a very private thing, that it would be breaking the bond of trust he and Bella shared if he read it. He knew that he would probably regret reading it anyway. And he knew that it would completely improper if he did read it, men should never read a woman's inner thoughts and feelings, concealed within a diary. But, not knowing what she was thinking, not knowing what she was feeling, not knowing if she was afraid, as she never reacted as she should, was murderous for him. He had to know, anything, everything about her he could.

His moral side was not winning his internal quest to be good and proper but curiosity was still writhing in him, he just had to read on, he felt duty-bound to, so he turned the page,

_January 17__th__ 2005_

_Today I moved to Forks to live with Charlie. I think I've made a serious mistake. I love Phoenix, I love the heat, the sun, and the fact I can wear t-shirts and shorts all the time and never have to be worried about the weather suddenly changing. I hate it here; I've been here the total of an hour and I already hate it. Everything's to – green; even the things that aren't meant to be green. And the weather is terrible, constant cover of clouds and rain, did I mention ice and snow, yep, ice and snow. Not only is it cold and wet, it seriously doesn't help the uncoordinated. I'm never going to see my shorts again. Charlie, is well, pleased to have me. Apparently he hasn't shut up about it, great, I'm gossip. Charlie is a great Dad though, but he can't cook but I like to cook so it's no problem for me. I met Jake and Billy today, and my new car Charlie bought me, a red Chevy truck, it's perfect. He bought it from Billy. It's a shame Jake doesn't to Forks High, would be nice to know someone. Well, that it's for tonight, need some sleep before arriving in the centre of hell tomorrow – School. Middle of the semester, oh the fun! _

_Night x_

Edward knew that Bella was never keen in cold weather or "any cold, wet thing" as she put it in Biology when he asked her about the weather. Odd really, to say she is dating a vampire, whose skin, is ice-cold. But, Bella in shorts, that was something he would have liked to have seen, that he'd probably never get too see. As he read on about being uncoordinated, he couldn't help but laugh, forgetting Bella was right there, sleeping. She stirred slightly, saying "Edward, stay," before rolling over, pulling her cover around her tighter. He remained amused at Bella's everlasting hate for cold weather and longing for her shorts, and her Dad's gossiping and poor cooking until he read the words "Jake and Billy."

"Great, just great", he whispered, "she's friends with the dogs, that's going to create a few problems."

His mood picked back up again as she described Forks High as "the centre of hell", someone finally, who had the same sentiment on school, but for entirely different reasons naturally.

He put it down after he read the first entry, determined not to read anymore, to try and retain some of his good manners and proper upbringing but he could not refuse his inquisitiveness, he just had to know. Or could he?

**(A/N: Hey guys! Well this is my first chaptered fan fic. It was originally going to be a very long one-shot but I thought it would be better if it was a chapter fic, having you hanging on the edge of your seats to find out if Edward can restrain himself :D Hope you like it Chapter Two should be uploaded soon. Enjoy!! )**


	2. In Which Edward Gets A Shock

**Chapter Two: In which Edward gets a shock.**

Edward could not defy his inquisitiveness for Bella. She just fascinated him in everyway imaginable. The fact that he could not hear her thoughts just made his fascination and curiosity more powerful. Any clue she could give him, any small piece of information from the inner depths of her mind that would give him a glimpse of what she was truly thinking and feeling, he so desperately needed to set him mind at ease for a little while before she does something which would start him off again. This journal, to him was like a miracle, sent to him so that he could have some peace of mind, to know what she was thinking, what she was feeling…every little detail of her life that he wanted to know was handed to him on a plate. His moral side had failed; his curiosity had won it over with the chance to finally be inside her head, like he knew he could never truly be. His internal battle dwindled as his curiousness grew and grew and his moral side was belittled into nothing but a little speck in the bad of his mind, he turned the page.

Guilt filled him as the page fell onto a new one, he knew Bella wouldn't be very pleased with him if she ever found out and he wasn't very pleased with himself. He was stronger than this. He had more control than this, much more and he knew it. He suddenly felt ashamed for giving in, but Bella, she did things to him he couldn't explain. To him she is extraordinary; he just wanted to know everything about her, just like she wanted to know every detail about him. The guilt and shame died down as the flames of the eagerness to know started to smoulder in him mind, rising until that was the only thing left in his mind, against his moral and better judgement, he read on.

_January 18__th__ 2005_

_I hate him. He's stupid, rude, and arrogant. Maybe Mike is right, he _is _a freak. All I did was walk through a door and he just stared at me with those piecing black eyes, with this expression on his face. There aren't words for the expression on his face, but he looked dangerous, like he was about ready to kill me. What had I done wrong? Nothing that's what, nothing, I walked in the room. Ooo, he makes me so angry, I didn't do anything. God, what's wrong these people. I really do hate him…stupid boy. It's rude to stare. And it's impolite. Does he have no manners? Or is he just some sort of jerk. Then, I went to hand in my slip and he was there again, asking to change lessons, because of me. God, he makes me angry, what the hell did I do wrong, he just hates me for no reason, I have done nothing. Then he practically knocked me flying when he left. Tomorrow I'm going to ask him what his problem is. Idiot. I hate stupid, rude, impolite, arrogant, idiotic Edward Cullen. Hate him._

_Well, I sort of met the Cullens today, they look like nice people, accept Edward, I had to revise my opinion on him after Biology. Jessica said they kept to themselves, I wonder why? And there all together, I don't think there's anything wrong with it, but it's a little odd. Mike was following me round like a love struck sheepdog, I need to tell him I don't want to go out with him, or Eric, or Tyler for that matter, that's going to be stressful. Oh well, at least they have manners and are nice to me. That's it for today, got to make Charlie's dinner, then do some homework, and de-stress myself after Edward Cullen made me so angry. Jerk._

_Night x_

_P.S. He even drives like a maniac. Idiot._

He instantly regretted turning the page, although he wanted to know everything Bella thinks and feel; the thought of her hating him made him a little upset as well as quite shocked. Although, he knew that thing were different now, and that she wasn't the type of person to hold a grudge, he still felt hurt, until he thought back to how he felt when he first met her. He hated her too, for making him want her so badly, making him want to loose control, to be a monster. He didn't want that, he didn't want to be a monster, and hating her was the only way to get around it, so that's what he did. Then he laughed, quietly, remembering Bella was still sleeping. At least she never wanted to date any of the other boys in Forks High, and hate is a really passionate emotion, he thought to himself, smiling. He was still smiling as he read of his family,

"If she only knew what they were really like, then she wouldn't think they were nice people" he whispered quietly, knowing them for what they truly are like, mostly annoying, loud and incredibly frustrating when he's trying to concentrate.

"And I wish she didn't wonder what we were, it's dangerous, and I would never forgive myself if being with me lead to her being hurt. I could not bear it; I can not bear to loose her. She means too much to me. She is the one person I feel complete with; the one person who makes me feel alive again, like my heart can swell and beat…she makes this happen. She is my life. And if she didn't wonder, she didn't constantly ask questions and wasn't so stubborn to know, I would never have found her because I would never have been able to tell her, I would have never been able to love her," he thought to himself, solemnly as if either way he couldn't win, either be with her and risk her life, or leave her and be heartbroken for eternity.

He cheered up from his dark, depressed mood as he read of Bella's disapproval to the boy's at Forks High. He thought it was quite amusing to watch them follow her around all day, eyeing each other up to access the competition. Although it was exceptionally amusing, he didn't like the thought of them winning Bella's affections. Something has to be done about them, even though he knew he had won Bella's heart completely now. He chuckled slightly as she continued to rant about him making her angry and the fact she has to "de-stress" because of appalling behaviour.

He was just about to turn the page, unable to continue his mental argument whether it was right or wrong, whether he should put his morals or his wants first, when he saw a small footnote at the bottom of the page. The handwriting was hardly liable it was so small, but when he made out what it said, he couldn't help but let out a roar of laughter.

Bella turned over, mumbling. Edward had completely forgotten where he was, lost in Bella's deep thoughts, and he laughter may have woke her. He froze; maybe she was just rolling over, only stirred by the sound. But what if she had woken up, and saw him with her diary, what would she say? What would she do? Did she even awake from her dreamless slumber?

**(A/N: OME. Does she wake up? You'll have to wait until Chapter Three is uploaded. Poor Edward, she used to hate him. How could anyone hate him? Hope you like it. Dedicated to everyone who added the first chapter to their favourites or story alert, added me to their favourites or author alert, or reviewed it!!! Thank a bundle :D!!)**


	3. In Which Edward Finally Realises

**Chapter Three: In Which Edward Finally Realises**

Bella rolled over, her eyes fluttered as she sighed "Edward, please stay, I love you" before saying "but could you pass the cheese toast." She pulled her duvet up, tugging it to her chest, smiling, as if it was Edward she was holding on tightly to. Edward was safe. His foolishness had no let him be discovered, of which he feared it had. He remained still, frozen in his perfect position for a few minutes to make sure she was truly back into a dreamless sleep, and then continued to read his newly found treasure.

_January 19__th__ 2005_

_He wasn't there. He wasn't there, but the rest of his family was but not him. I felt sad that he wasn't there, which was unexpected, maybe it wasn't sadness that I was feeling, maybe annoyance that I couldn't ask him what his problem was. I still haven't forgiven him for yesterday, and he still has some explaining to do, but still, I felt a strange emotion in the pit of my stomach. It was new and unpredicted, I hadn't felt this way about any boy before but I _missed _him. I don't even know why. I don't even like him, he's rude, arrogant and stupid, and why would I like someone like that? I don't understand. Even if he looked ready to kill me, I felt, I feel oddly safe around him and I craved from his company. Oh well, I'll get him tomorrow, he can't hide forever. At least I didn't have to put up with his rudeness today, but Mike is getting increasingly more annoying, it's sweet but really sad and he's only going to end up making a fool of himself. Well, there's not much else to say, today was a rather slow day without him._

_Night x_

_January 21__st__ 2005_

_He still hasn't come back, and I'm getting worried, why has he been away so long? Maybe he's ill, or hurt or worse. I don't think I could bear it if something happened to him. Maybe he was only rude because he was having a bad day; it looked like he was having a bad day. It really doesn't matter now, I just wish he'd come back, his family are acting quite strangely…and I can't believe I'm saying this, but I want him to, because I love him. There, I said it, happy now. This is going to cause loads of problems, why does it have to happen now? I don't even _like _Forks. I can't stay here but now, I can't seem to leave. Not now he has my heart. I really hate the expressions "absence makes the heart grow fonder." Why, oh why does this have to happen to me? And why him, Edward Cullen, like the most good-looking and unpopular guy in school. I'm going to be like some newcomer whore or something, great. I can hear the rumours now, if we did start dating, which I doubt, why would he like me? Why am I even writing about this? As if any of this will ever happen, I'll just have some schoolgirl crush on him, and it'll pass. A phase. Yes, it's just a stupid schoolgirl phase. Still, I hope he's back on Monday._

_Night x_

Edward smiled then laughed a little at Bella's persistent stubbornness to find out anything about him. It was quite amusing to him to think that he would eventually have given into her anyway; he couldn't bear to see her unhappy. He loved the fact that she loved him, even after everything he had put her thought and everything that might yet come that was a risk of being together, but he hated that she felt, feels, safe with him, he is, after all, the world's most dangerous predator, and if he ever lost control…

He stopped that thought dead; he hated the thought of hurting her, loosing her, because of his lack of control and he'd make sure that he always was in control. His sadness was quickly swept away by the sense of sweet satisfaction at he thought of her actually craving his company, that she needed him to be around. Although he knew it could turn out to be dangerous, his love for her was stronger, he could help but adore she wanted him around, that she missed him, laughing at all the names she called him. He liked the idea of her getting him tomorrow, even though he wasn't there, but he knew he could hide forever.

His euphoria was suddenly overturned by Mike Newton, yet again. He really needed to sort that boy out. He was beginning to become quite infuriating.

His cheery mood returned as he finally released. He finally released that Bella had fallen in love with him. Edward knew how much he loved her, how much he wanted her but he couldn't comprehend how much she loved him, and how quickly she had fallen for him. But it was all there, all there in her worrying, in her fretting that he wasn't ok. Her love was there when she said she could bear for anything to happen to him and even though she was annoyed to begin with, she forgave him for their first encounter. It was there in written on the page _"I love him."_ If his heart could race, it would be, finally after nearly 100 years of waiting, he had finally found someone who could love him, just as much as he loved her. It was clear in her troubled words that she loved him, even though she knew to some degree of certainty that he wanted nothing to with her. "Oh how you are wrong," he whispered to a sleeping Bella. He laughed at her internal argument against loving him, to him it was rather amusing, but it was crystal clear how much she truly did love him. Fretting about it was so typically Bella.

Edward, euphoria from reading the truth in Bella's words when she said she loved him, was turning the page, when Bella door opened suddenly. Edward had been submerged in his thoughts and fantasies of Bella he hadn't heard the thoughts of the person who was about to enter Bella's room. Who's about enter Bella's room, was it friend or foe? More importantly, will Edward be discovered?

**(A/N: Hey hey hey!! Sorry it took so long, I totally lost my pizzazz and I just couldn't function properly. Anyway, it's up now, so enjoy! Sorry about all the cliffhanger endings but I've got to get you to read it somehow ;P So enjoy and Chapter 4 will be posted as soon as I've finished it!! Thank for all the people who added my story to their favourites, story alert, reviewed my story or added me to author alert…love you all xxx)**


	4. In Which Edward Sees

**Chapter 4: In Which Edward Sees How Little Bella Thinks Of Herself**

Edward made it out of the window before the shadow entered the room. He remained close to the window in case Bella was in any danger. The shadow crept quietly through the door closing it behind him. He waited for a few moments to make sure that she was still sleeping, then went around, picking up clothes of the floor, placing them inside the wardrobe, just generally tidying. This is not something a killer would do, certainly not something a vampire would do, not with her blood smelling so appealingly delicious. And by the thoughts of the shadow, he was not either.

The shadow sat down on the edge of Bella's bed, watching her sleep, while Edward read he's thoughts, "You're so beautiful, my little Bells, I wish you could see that. I wish you'd be a little more careful, and as much as I don't like it, I wish that Edward would make you happy, I'm afraid you'd end up like me, alone, you should be around people, and he is good for you, you're not alone. I'm glad you can't hear my thoughts; you'd probably laugh and say I'm being silly, but I really do mean it. I love you my beautiful, little Bells, even if I don't say it too your face, I do love you."

After Charlie had finished his mental speech, unknowingly aware of his audience, he picked himself up and left just as quickly and as quietly as he came, closing the door carefully behind him, trying not to wake her. Edward, who was still outside, waited for a few moments, making sure Bella was still asleep and she hadn't stirred when Charlie closed the door. When he thought it was safe to enter he crept back in silently, smoothly shutting the window so it made no sound. Once inside he resumed his normal position and continued on his quest to be inside Bella's mind.

_January 24__th__ 2005_

_He came back. I don't know why I'm so happy; this crush thing's getting a little annoying and silly when he's way out of my league. I just need to accept this and move on. It makes no difference anyway, I can't help how I feel, and I'll just have to wait for it to pass. Anyway, today he came back. I saw him first in the parking lot, he didn't see me, and I didn't want him to I was staring like some love struck idiot, it was embarrassing, Eric had to repeat the same thing five times before I actually answered him. I had to make up some ridiculous story about trying to remember the Trig for the test I had later. He didn't buy it. The next time I saw him was at lunch. I was sitting with the girls and the guys, and then there he was, with the rest of his family, obviously, carrying a tray of food. He sat back at the table as if he never been away, as if I never existed. I suppose that is how it should be. The nerdy, unattractive girl's heart's broken, yet still happy that the godly gorgeous boy she fell in love with has fallen for an equally beautiful girl, popular, who are so right for each other, that's how it should be…that's how it will be. I will end up with Mike or some other boy from school and Edward… Edward will end up with one of those beautiful senior girls, probably that blonde one. How it should be, at least he'll be happy. Anyway, the third and final time I saw him was in Biology. Oh my gosh….he actually spoke to me. Nothing big or anything, just introduced himself and explained why he was away. He's really curious kept asking me questions all the while about the weather, about why I moved here, why I didn't stay with Mom and Phil, we were getting along quite well until I mentioned his eyes. The last time I saw him, saw his eyes, they were a piercing, fear-provoking black. But today, they were a warm, goldeny, brown colour, beautiful you could say, but the word isn't strong enough. When I asked him about it, why his eyes had gone through such drastic change in colour, he just said it was the fluorescents, and the turned as he left me just as quickly as he came. That was the last I saw Edward Cullen that day. Gym passed fairly slowly as usual, I tend to stand at the back now, now they know I'm absolutely lethal, and terrible, at all sorts of sport. After school, I went home before going to the diner with Charlie. It was nice not having to cook for a change, it usually takes me a while to get it all ready but today I managed to finish all my homework before he got in so I could relax later. Sent Mom an email when I got back in, then read a bit of my book. I wonder if Edward Cullen will speak to me tomorrow, I wouldn't hold my breath but maybe, if I wish with all my heart he will._

_Night x_

Edward was shocked at how little Bella thought of herself, comparing herself to a nerdy, attractive girl. Edward couldn't see why her perception of herself was so off mark. To him, she was the most beautiful creature his eyes, in all those years, have ever beheld. Nothing compared to how astoundingshe was, not even a desert rose blooming in the mists of winter; she was divine. And Edward couldn't understand why Bella see that, and he was in for a bigger shock as he read on.

_January 25__th__ 2005_

_Today, Edward Cullen saved my life, but I wish he hadn't._

_What's the point in him saving me? I can see he regrets it now, he should have just let the stupid van crush me, and he wouldn't have to feel this way now. I'd rather have my life end and see him happy than to see him like this. It's not like anyone would miss me anyway. Ok, maybe Mike will but I not sure if that is a good thing or not. Charlie would but he is so used to living on his own, it really wouldn't make much difference. And Mom, she'll soon replace me with another child. I don't mind, she'll be happy, Edward would be happy and I'll be dead, at peace, without any feelings. Complete empty. If only he had let the van crush me, I wouldn't have to deal with this broken heart, I wouldn't have to love him and know deep down inside that there will never be any chance between the two of us. He wouldn't want me, not when he could have any girl, he wouldn't want me, but why did he save me? But, that moment, that moment was the most magical moment in my entire life. When he held me in his arms, lifting me as if I was only a feather, his face was so close to mine, that exquisite face. A face I almost never saw again, I wish I'd never see again. It brings too much heartache knowing that I'll never be good enough for him. Anyway, enough dwelling on what cannot possibly be, unfortunately some people from school phoned 991 and I was taken to hospital along with Tyler. Charlie wasn't very happy with the situation, he kept reminding me I could have been killed, I wish. It's not like it was Tyler's fault, he did try and stop, but the ice was too much. I was treated by Dr Cullen; he's just as beautiful as his foster son, with the same toffee brown eyes, and a dazzling smile. I could help but laugh when he said my vitals looked good, how could they with a guy like that around, he looked just as old as Edward, but he must be much older. Charlie obviously phone Mom, to my annoyance. She was freaking out, as I thought, I reassured her that I was fine, that I didn't even have a scratch on me. Luckily she wasn't on the phone long so I could get back to wishing he had just let me die…surely its better than heartache? Now, I'll sleep, and try not the dream, or even think of any of the events of today._

_Night x_

Edward almost fell of his chair in shock at the thought of a world, of a life, of an existence without Bella. He could bear the thought of her ever wanting to end her life, even if it did make him happy, he couldn't bear it. If he could shed tears, he would have. Life without Bella, to him was meaningless, even in those early days; he still felt some connection to her, and the loss of was something he wasn't prepared to do. He closed the book carefully and began to pace the room, trying to regain some control, some composure, and not to take Bella in his arms right now, to kiss her, to tell her how much he needs her, how much he loves her, that she should never ever wish herself dead again, because life without her, an existence without her would be totally and utterly meaningless, worthless, he'd might as well be dead along side her.

Edward was loosing his battle, he wanted her to know how much he loved her, what exactly she meant to him, how much he needed her. He couldn't cope with his desire, he just want grab her and pull her close. He knelt down next to the top of her bed, gently brushing a stray piece of hair out of her face, then running his fingers slowly and carefully down the side of her cheek, by her lips to the end of her chin. He softly pressed his lips against her cheek, unable to regain any control, the desire, the passion, getting to strong for him to keep a hold on, he just couldn't keep control anymore…

**(A/N So, does he loose his control, you'll have to wait and find out. Sorry it took so long peeps, just lost all inspiration, but I'M BACK!!!! Chapter 5 will be up soon!!! Watch this space!! E-M-C ^^ )**


	5. In Which Edward Sees Her Need

**Chapter Five: In Which Edward Sees Her Need**

Edward was still in a constant struggle to regain control over his desire to be with Bella, to tell her everything he wanted to, that needed to and more, to have her, to hold her in his arms. He began pacing again, long strides across the room. When he reached the window for the tenth time, he opened it, jumping out in the cool, clean, crisp air, away from the appealing scent of Bella, not just her blood, but her. The aroma of her body was just as potent has the fragrance of her blood. Once away from the room that's scent was so strong, his head began to clear. Edward was beginning to win his internal battle with his desires; he began to pace less, realizing that it was an idea which was completely flawed. What would Bella think of him if she found him in her room? And reading her diary? It would only have negative outcomes.

After he had regained enough composure to see his crazy ideas were in fact, crazy and the affects of Bella had worn away, he reentered her room. He checked to make sure that she was still sleeping, brushing his lips softly over her cheek, before pulling up her covers, adding another as he was leaving the window open to make her aroma less intoxicating. He went back over to chair, waiting, watching her sleep, her hair flow silently across her pillow in the breeze, her chest slowly rising then falling with her steady breathing, the rest of her body, so still and lifeless… so beautiful. Edward couldn't seem to draw his attentions away from her, his eyes remained fixed upon the sleeping Beauty that lay before him. He watched her lay still until suddenly a book fell from his hand onto the floor. He glanced at the floor then back up to make sure his Beauty was still sleeping, once he knew that she had remained asleep, he picked the book up off the floor. He had completely forgotten why he was in her room, other than to watch her sleep. He carefully opened the book again to the next entry. It read

_Jan__uary 29__th__ 2005_

_Edward has been ignoring me. I hate it, ever since that stupid accident with that truck which nearly took my life he's been ignoring me, regretting it. So, he got to me at the speed of light from the other side of the lot and he pushed the van with his hand as if it was nothing. I tried to confront him about it after Dr Cullen had finished with me at the hospital, he was just being cryptic and annoying… "I hope you enjoy disappointment", like what's that supposed to mean? There's more to him that meets the eye, and the rest of his family…I'm going to find out what it is. So, he's been avoiding me and ignoring me, even in biology when he has to sit next to me, he's resorted to sitting at the very edge of his desk, as far away as possible from me, I did try to talk to him in the beginning but after a while I just gave it. Yet though he said nothing to me, and he just kept away from me as much as physical possible, I could still feel his eyes upon me, a burning gaze in the back of my head. Sometimes I really wonder if he's alright, like one minute he's friendly, a genuinely nice guy but then the next he's all creepy I suppose is the word, his mood swings are giving me whip-lash and I don't like it._

_After the almost accident, that night after I went home from the hospital, that was the first I dreamt of Edward Cullen. _**In my dream it was very dark, and what dim light there was seemed to be radiating from Edward's skin. I couldn't see his face, just his back as he walked away from me, leaving me in the blackness. No matter how fast I ran, I couldn't catch up to him; no matter how loud I called, he never turned. **

_I don't know why I dreamt of him.__ I don't know why I still am. It only makes things harder for me, knowing how much I need him yet knowing too well it can never be. Maybe that's what my dream is trying to tell me, that because he's never within my grasp he can never be mine. Well at least some part of me, not matter how small, realizes the ever-so important truth. Maybe, hopefully sometime soon, before I become utterly broken from this stupid crush, the rest of me will realize the truth too. Enough dwelling on ifs and maybes, I need to get some sleep, not that I'll get any, but I must at least try, another day tomorrow, of pain and heartache…and the everlasting reminder that I'm not needed by the one I need._

_Night x_

Edward wished so much that he could tell her that he wasn't ignoring her, that he was protecting her, protecting her from himself and the secrets that he has to keep in order to survive. To tell her that he doesn't regret saving her, he wished for her too see what she meant to him. He had to chuckle slightly when she referred to him as "cryptic", but the thought of her trying to find out his dark secret when at the time nothing was known, frightened him. He just wanted to keep her safe, love her from afar, but it was so difficult, too different, he just had to be with her. He smiled again at the thought of light radiating from his skin, as if she already knew some of the secrets he kept from her, but the thought of leaving her all alone in the dark wasn't something he was about to, and couldn't bear to do, so she'd never have to worry about that part of her dream.

He didn't like her interruption of her dream either or the fact she didn't like to dream of him. He needed her more than she'd ever know. And although it would be hard, given the circumstances of their relationship, he would his best to be hers, until it wasn't in her best interests to be with him. His smile from the comment about her not sleeping, of which he knew, she had, soon disappeared at Bella being in pain, being hurt…not being with the one who needed her too.

As he read on, his disappear got even worse.

_February 20__th__ 2005_

_It nearly a month since Edward Cullen started ignoring me. It even hurts to write his name, never mind saying it. Now he hardly notices that I'm there. That burning stare has gone. It's like I never existed, except he does to me. I have to sit with him everyday; he's always there in my mind, I can't get rid of him. Even in my sleep, I still dream of him. It's getting to the point where I'd rather end it all now, go back and live with Mom and be free of him than to endure this pain, the pain of not being with him, the pain of him not even noticing. It's only a short entry today, I can't bear to write anymore, it hurts too much, and I need some sleep._

_Night x_

Edward was speechless. He hadn't been in her life long at all, and he could already see what an intense effect he had upon her, her dependency, how much she loved him even though he very little to do with her. His sadness grew with Bella being in pain, the heartache he caused her by trying to protect her. He didn't want her to leave, or for her to ever forget him; she meant more to him than she'd ever know. If he could have cried, he would, so much sadness filled him because of what he had done trying to protect her. He read on trying to find a bit of comfort in her writings.

_March 1__st__ 2005_

_I no longer dream of him. I've decided he can hurt me no longer, I can give the silent treatment just as good as he can, it'll be like he never existed, I will not let his rude, arrogant and irritating idiot ruin my time here in Forks, I have great friends, Mike, Jess, Angie, Eric…Jake, I have Charlie, I will not let him ruin it, I won't. Enough about that, we're doing blood typing on Thursday in biology, hate blood. Plus I've been invited to La Push on Saturday, Eric invited me, which was nice, I had no idea what it was, he explained it was a beach up on Quileute rez. I vaguely remember going up to that beach with Charlie when I was little, that where I met Jake. Well an eventful week ahead, plus Mike might have a job for me at his parents store, should be interesting, as long as he stops hitting on me. Well, better get some sleep, got a lot to do this week._

_Night x_

Edward felt slightly glad that she had other friends that she could rely on, others that could care for her without being fearful of hurting her. He smiled at her hating blood; she wouldn't make a very good vampire, but he'd have to leave at lunch obviously, especially with Bella being there. However, the thought of both Jake and Mike, being any closer than friend make him jealous, not that he was about to show it, he would have to put an end to both of their advances.

He could help but feel a deep sadness inside from all the pain he had caused Bella. Maybe if he left now, left with all his family, the damage done could be repaired and she wouldn't be so depressed, she'd eventually get over him and all would be well. Not to mention, that she would be safe, safe from every danger he ever posed to her, every danger that his presence could cause for her, she would be completely and utterly safe. And he would give her up, leave her behind, though she was what his heart needed, if too only see her happy, to see her safe. He knew then what he must do; he got up from his chair crossed over to Bella's bed, kissing her cheek lightly. He was going to leave, this was best; he knew deep down it was. He slid the window open, looking back over his shoulder at his beautiful Bella, knowing he was doing the right thing.

Or was he?

**(A/N: OME Does he leave her? She is going to go into zombie mode like New Moon? Calm down, all will be revealed in Chapter 6, which is being written as you read this. Hope you like it, it took me awhile to discover my secret cliffhanger ending for the chapter. I am dedicating this chapter to all you wonderful reviewer out there, makes my day to see endless reviews. You guys are AMAZING, my reason for writing and I love you all. Enjoy lovelies! XxxX P.s The bold text halfway through the chapter is an actual extract from Twilight of which I do not own :( )**


	6. In Which Edward Laughed Too Much

**Chapter 6: In Which Edward Laughed Too Much**

As he looked back upon his beautiful Bella, he realised that he was too selfish to leave, he needed her too much to leave, and after all she was his life now, he reason for living, and the sun in his sky. He wanted her too much to go; he hadn't got the strength to stay away from her no more, he just had to be with her. It was quite lucky that he was an essential selfish creature; otherwise he would have left, fled into the night leaving Bella alone, unawares until she found he had left without even saying goodbye.

Looking back, he just could bear to leave her. She looked so fragile, so elegant when she was sleeping; her heart wasn't the only heart that would break if he left now…his would too. He climbed back in through the window, shutting it carefully so not to wake his Sleeping Beauty. He crossed the room, checking Charlie was still sleeping, he was dreaming of fishing so he knew he would check on Bella again that night. He crept back across the room, kissing Bella's cheek softly, moving a stray piece of hair from her face before resuming his place in the chair by the window. He took a deep breath, not that he needed to but for the fact of what he was planning to do nearly destroyed them both.

For a while he did nothing. Nothing but watch Bella sleep, thinking of what could have happened, what would have happened to them both if he had left this night. What would have Bella done when she realised he had left her without saying goodbye? What would she have done after he'd gone, what would she become? Would she be happier without him? With Jake? Or Mike? Anyone but him? He couldn't bear to think of the ifs or buts no more, all he knew is that without her his life was like a blank page, an empty sky…pointless. He focused on the fact that he hadn't left and that he will make Bella happy and that he will keep her safe if it was the last thing he did. He will always be in control and will always love her with the entirety of his being.

Feeling better, less depressed at Bella's pain and more determined than ever to make his Love happy, he picked up his gateway to Bella's mind again.

_March 2__nd__ 2005_

_Oh that stupid Edward Cullen, he first decides to ignore me then he tries to annoy me to death. God I hate him. So I had a really pleasant day, Prom was talk of the school, not that it was coming up any time soon, not until May and it's not like I'll be going, I will avoid it like the plague but it was nice to be invited to various shopping trips, I'm going to Port Angeles with Ange and Jess next Monday which I'm looking forward. Anyway, so it started this morning I was trying to avoid Mike on the way to government but guess who ruined it, Edward Cullen. I was hiding behind a few open locker doors because Eric was standing opposite my classroom, when he walked past me then up to Eric pointing in my direction. And then guess what happened, Eric came over to me and asked me to go to the Prom with him. Stupid Edward, I could have avoided his question all day. But that's not all, I swear he was deliberately waiting around outside Biology until the teacher came so that Mike could sit down next to me and also ask me to the Prom. I gave him the same answer as I did to Eric. "Sorry but I can't go because I'm away in Jacksonville that weekend visiting my Mom." Then he asked "can't you change the ticket," and I replied "No, it's a non-refundable ticket." He looked rather depressed for the rest of the lesson but he cheered up when he found out I had turned down Eric as well. And what happened after school was the final straw. I was got into my car, brought my engine to life with a bellowing roar, and pulled out just like every other day but today as I was driving down toward the exit and guess who pulled out in front of me causing total gridlock….yep Edward Cullen. I swear he is trying to annoy me to death. Tyler kept piping his horn; there was nothing I could do until Cullen moved so I just kept ignoring me until he tapped on my window. I explain that jerk boy Cullen in front had caused a gridlock and I couldn't go anywhere. He told me that it was alright and he knew, and that he just wanted to ask me if I wanted to go the Prom with him. I explained that I wasn't in town and when he left he looked a little down hearted. After he had left Cullen boy let be past, it was as if he knew what Tyler, Eric and Mike wanted to do and he was giving them then opportunity to do it. Not only that, when I drove past I swear he was laughing. Stupid, shiny Volvo owner. Other than all my Prom proposals from very desperate boys and an annoying idiot it wasn't so bad. I had dinner with Charlie at the diner which made a change from cooking. He really should order a salad or something and not always steak, but he keeps saying no, I'm as healthy as a horse, but it's really not good for him. Finished off my homework, hate Trig, it's too hard, makes my brain hurt and we have blood typing tomorrow, oh the fun. Better get some sleep otherwise bad things will happen to me when I smell blood._

_Night x_

Edward smiled, remembering his mischief as if it was only yesterday. He loved it when Bella was mad it him, she was just so funny, the names she called him where just absurd and her facial expression were even funnier, especially the one she gave when she drove past me on the way home from school. Priceless. He just wanted to know what she was going to say to them whether, the first time with Eric, when she no, was she waiting for Mike to ask her. It was driving him crazy not knowing what was going on inside her head, whether she was going to accept any of their proposals or not. It made him angry, jealous even to think she would go to the ball with Mike or Eric or Tyler than him but he'd rather have her not going at all than to go with one of them. He knew it was wrong to be jealous so, at the time, he was trying to love her from afar, but he just couldn't help feeling jealous, not that any of them had anything on him. He smiled at her comments, wondering while she insulted his car and not him. He smiled at her caring, worrying side for her father, Charlie. But he couldn't help but laugh out loud at Bella's blood phobia, maybe she'd fear him if she ever found out what he was? He shook the thought away as swiftly as he came and continued to laugh, "She wouldn't make a very good vampire, if she despises the smell of blood." He read on to see if there was more laughs in store.

_March 3__rd__ 2005_

_What a day! It started out as it was to go on. My classes were just as boring as usual; Mike was still swooning after me to the dislike of Eric and Tyler who were also trying their best to win my heart, I really need to do something about them, maybe I should tell them Edward Cullen stole my heart, and I want them to get it me back and the winner get me as a prize, to get golden boy Eddie off my back, lol._

_However, this morning I was getting out of my car, and as I'm such a clumsy fool, I dropped my keys onto the floor, Before I had a chance to pick them, I saw a flash of white, then Edward Cullen standing in front of me, as if he was god with that dazzling smile on his face. "Drop something" he said, god, he's so irresist…irritating. I gave him an icy thank you as he dropped the keys into my hand before trying to move around him. He persisted, annoying me like mad, so I called over my shoulder, "thought you were supposed to be pretending I don't exist and what was the traffic jam for yesterday?" He told me he wanted to give Tyler a chase to ask me to the prom, and that he wasn't pretending I don't exist. I could have swung for him, really I could instead I walked away. I asked him so if your not then why are you annoying me to death, is it because Tyler van didn't do the job, you should have let it crush me, save yourself all this regret and don't say that you don't, that's a lie, I can see in your eyes that you do." All my angry for him flowed out in words that broken my heart because I knew them too be true, I don't know why I didn't stop myself, I told you it was a strange day. Anyway, as I walked away he grabbed my arm, twirling me around, replying to my harsh words, "I don't regret saving you, you don't know anything" he muttered, anger in his eyes. I told him to leave me alone, but wanted to ask me something. I thought he was trying to be funny when he asked me what I was doing the day of the Prom, but he told me I had to let him finish and he offered me a ride to Seattle, with him. I asked him if he had multiple personality disorder and he laughed saying no but he didn't think my truck would make it. I just walked away I couldn't take anymore until he stopped me again, he was joking with me about my truck, jokes I couldn't take anymore so I snapped at him saying that he didn't want to be my friend, then he got all cryptic on me saying "I said it would be better if we weren't friends, not that I didn't want to be and I'm tired of staying away from you Bella," I'd had it, so I walked away, quickly so he couldn't grab me, he shouted "So, do you want to go?", I sighed and against my better judgement I said yes, he shouted back, "we were shouldn't be friends." I just carried on walking._

_The time during this morning's encounter and the next was a blur, normal, but blurred. I didn't notice Mike or Eric, or Mike's enthusiasms for the change in weather for La Push this weekend. When we got to lunch, I sat down with the rest of my friends when Jess said that Edward was staring at me from a table on his own. Great this was all I needed, but deep down I couldn't help but smile. I turned to follow her gaze and there he was smiling that wonderful crooked smile, beckoning me over. I made some excuse about Biology homework and went to see what it is that he wanted. I sat at the table and waited for him to speak, but I finally broke the awkward silence by saying that it was different. He was all cryptic again saying that if he was going to hell, he was going to do it thoroughly, whatever the hell that meant. Anyway, we mainly talked about him giving up, that he was 'tired of staying away from me' apparently; we finally decided that as long as I wasn't smart we could be friends. He got all touchy when he asked what I was thinking and I replied that I was trying to figure out what he was and then he asked to hear my theories. I told him it was too embarrassing and he told me that it was frustrating. That ticked me off and I lost it…again. I had a rant saying __**"No, I can't imagine why that would be  
frustrating at all — just because someone refuses to tell you what they're thinking, even if all the while they're making cryptic little remarks specifically designed to keep you up at night wondering what they could possibly mean… now, why would that be frustrating? Or better, say that person also did a wide range of bizarre things — from saving your life under impossible circumstances one day to treating you like a pariah the next, and he never explained any of that, either, even after he promised. That, also, would be very non-frustrating."**__ He could I was annoyed, he grimaced at my words. He broke the silence talking about Mike, he referred to him as my boyfriend to my dislike, saying he wanted to break up or fight. I laughed, he could try. We were getting along again to decide to ask him to tell me the next time he was going to have a ignore me, he laughed and replied yes. I was glad we were getting along now. But he wanted a favour to, a theory. This was embarrassing, I asked if he was bitten by a radioactive spider, it sounded so stupid, he just laughed, replying no, and that kryptonite doesn't bother him either. He said he wouldn't laugh but he did, so I told him that I would find out what he was, he didn't seem to like that, he got all cryptic again saying what if he wasn't the superhero but the bad guy, I couldn't, I wouldn't believe that, he just kept telling me that I was wrong and that he was dangerous. The silence afterward was impenetrable but I finally broke it with a comment about being late. I left, but he didn't follow._

_Biology, this is where it got really weird. So as I said before we were doing blood typing and I felt really faint so our teacher excused me from the classroom, with a too eager Mike, hands around my waist, helping me to the nurse. We got outside; I was trying to listen to Mike, concentrating on not being sick, when that horribly familiar, bell-sounding voice appeared from nowhere. That was all I needed. By this time I was lying on the pavement while he quizzed Mike about what happened. Finally he spoke to me asking if I could hear him. I replied with a no, go away but he just laughed, picking me up off the sidewalk, to both mine and Mike's distaste. I kept complaining, wanting to be put back on the sidewalk but he wasn't having it, he just told me that I looked awful, laughing that musical laugh, I was so thankful that I didn't throw up all over him, not a good impression. He took me to the nurse where he explained what had happened; he sniggered when the nurse said that there was always one who fainted. He sat next to me as we talked about Mike being angry and hating him and the fact he was right, that ditching is healthy, our chatting was muted when Mike brought another boy from the class in, me and Edward moved out the room, he gave me this really odd look when I said that I could smell blood, that it smelt like rust and salt. But the look passed, and was replaced by a new one when Mike started talking to me about the weekend at La Push. Edward kindly got me out of Gym, I loathe that subject. Anyway, I invited him to come with us on Saturday but he just replied "you and I better not push poor Mike any further, he might snap." I liked the way he said you and I, it sound good, and I liked it more than I should of though. He drove me home, though I could have drove myself. We talked about the pair of us not seeming seventeen, he asked about Mom and Phil and whether she'd just want me to be happy with whoever I choose. It made me laugh when he said that it could be no-one to scary, I got some rather funny, scary men in my head. He asked me if I could ever find him scary, of course I couldn't, he looked like some sort of God…and that's what I told him but not the last part. We talked a little about his family before it was time for him to leave, I didn't want him too. I wouldn't see him tomorrow either, he's going hiking with Emmett. Before he left he asked me to be careful at La Push, not to fall into the ocean or get ran over or anything. I just glared at him when I left, but he was still smiling._

_I told you it was a crazy day, but Edward's mood swings are still giving me whiplash, wonder what his mood will be on Monday? Now, I'm going to bed after the day I've had, I need my sleep._

_Night x_

Edward was laughing all the while as he read the entry of the diary. Bella's anger was so funny, like a little kitten trying to be a lioness. He laughed at her harmless, icy responses and the way she always tried to walk away. He laughed at her thinking that he was irresistible though she didn't want to say it and how it broke through as her entry went on, how she saw him was quite absurd to him. He laughed at the though of Mike trying to break up their little chat. He laughed at way she couldn't help but smile when he was staring at her across the room. He laughed at her embarrassing theories and she was so stubborn, that she refused to believe that he was indeed the bad guy. He laughed at the whole Biology encounter, especially how she viewed his laughter, his voice, his smile, how she tried not too listen to Mike and how thankful she was not throwing up on him, not that he would have minded at all. He laughed at how their friendship had grown over only a short space of time and he was thankful that he wasn't strong enough to resist her anymore; he always wanted to be with her, his beautiful Bella. But as he read over the last few lines, he laughed too much, too hard. Bella had stirred, his musical laughter waking her from her dreams. Edward didn't move as Bella stared at him in the chair and then turned away to turn the lamp on. Edward leaped from the chair and out the window with one quick movement, hoping Bella hadn't really seen him, hoping she wouldn't get up and look outside, and hoping she thought he was just a dream, a figment of her imagination…

**(A/N: Hey guys. Sorry this is a looooooonnnnnnnnnnggggggg chapter I know but a key chapter in the story so I wanted to capture every part of it. Anyway, enjoy. Does Bella look outside and discover Edward? Or he just a dream to her? You're going to have to wait for chapter 7 I'm afraid, which is coming soon so watch this space :D Love you all guys, don't forget to read and review!!!**

**P.S same as last chapter, the bolded text about half way through March 3****rd**** is actual Twilight quotes so I don't own it ******** No fair.)**


	7. In Which Edward Felt Jealous

**Chapter Seven: In Which Edward Felt Jealous**

Bella, who was awoken from her dream by the sound of an angel laughing, flicked on her bedside lamp. She turned back to where she had seen him, her chair, but he was no longer there. Laughing, she muttered to herself, "stupid fool; the next time you see Edward Cullen in your room staring at you, don't turn the light on, and just grab him before he disappears." She turned her light back off shaking her head as if she knew had it all been a dream. She pulled her covers back over her head and within minutes she was sleeping peacefully again.

Edward, who was still outside, smiled at the remark she had made to herself. He was glad that she didn't catch him, however a part of him wanted her to find him so he sit with her all night, just watching her sleep. He re-entered the room, quietly, so not to wake her again because the next time she woke, he wasn't going to leave, he wanted to stay, he had something he wanted to try. But he wanted to finish reading Bella's Journal before he did. He flicked the book open again on the next entry and began reading,

_March 4__th__ 2005_

_I knew he wasn't going to be at school today but I was hoping he would cancel his trip with Emmett so he could spend just one more day with me. I had so many questions I wanted to ask him. I just wanted to be in his company, I craved him company. Ever since yesterday, things were finally looking up, we were joking around; through he was still always cryptic. My dreams have come back, better than they were before, less dark and mysterious and more of the sound of Edward's musical laughter and his perfectly sculptured face. Quite magical really._

_We were standing in the middle of this bewitching meadow, full of wild flowers and tall, evergreen trees. We were lying in the middle of the meadow; both our gazes were locking upon each other. We were laughing and smiling; he was holding my hand. Then, with a bright flash of light, blinding me like the sun, it ended, like all good dreams that you wish were real. I really wish it didn't, it was the closet I was ever going to get to him._

_Today was pretty boring without him, Biology especially. The first part of the day went ok, quite fast but as soon as it hit lunch it just dragged. Mike was all enthusiastic about the trip to La Push tomorrow, me and Angela decided we were definitely not surfing, we were going to explore the rock pools instead. I couldn't help but think of what Edward had said about not falling into the ocean, however much I resented the comment, I suppose it was quite endearing, caring, sweet you could say. Jessica kept quizzing me about what Edward wanted yesterday, I simply told her the truth, he didn't get to the point. When lunch finally finished it was Biology. Mike tried to sit next to me but lucky our teacher put a stop to that luckily. I missed him so much then, the questions, the awkward staring, that bell-sounding laugh, I missed it all, what would I do if he left? Not that he would ever see me in the same way I see him, but I love him, and I'd be lost without him. Gym was indescribably terrible, I hate that subject and it dragged. I couldn't wait to get home but as I opened the cab of my truck, on the chair, was a delicate piece of paper, written in the most elegant of script was the words "Be Safe." I smiled at him everlasting worrying, it was truly romantic and sweet, well that's how I saw it, he was probably making fun or doing it on only friendly terms, but it didn't matter to me, I loved it anyway._

_I drove home as fast as possible, I had a pile of homework and had to cook our dinner as well and all I wanted to do was sit and relax which I managed to do but it took ages. Anyway, La Push tomorrow, meeting outside Mike's parents store at 10am tomorrow. Let's hope the weather hold up. For now, I going to bed, to dream sweet dreams as they are much better than my reality._

_Night x_

Edward liked the fact that their friendship had began to blossom, he liked the fact she dreamt of him so often, and that the dream was of an exquisite time together, not like her first dream. He missed her so dearly that day; he wanted to cancel his all of his plans to be with her, so spend one last day with her before her trip to La Push the following day. Damn the treaty, he wanted to spend the day with her at the beach, to show Mike, Jake, Eric and Tyler just how much she meant to him, that he loved her with all of his being, and no of them, or his secrets were going to stop him, not anymore. He also loved the fact he was the reason for her days, what made them, not like when they first met and he ruined them. He smiled at what her thought and what she thought his thoughts were behind his little note. Obviously, what she thought was his thoughts were wrong; their thoughts were identical, almost, he was being romantic and sweet, as well as trying to protect and care for the one he loved. However, sadness began to seep through his happiness when she said her dreams are better than her reality, because he wanted to make her reality so much better than her dreams.

Trying not to dwell on this feeling of sadness, he began to the next entry, the day at La Push.

_March 5__th__ 2005_

_La Push. Well not exactly the beaches of California but it has its own beauty. _

_We met outside the store at 10am just as instructed. I had to bring my truck because I was one of the only cars that could handle the dirt roads of La Push, apparently. We arrived at about 12 and the weather had taken a turn for the worst. The guys still decided they were going to surf so Angie and I went to explore the rock pools. We got really close to edge; you could see the bottom the water was so clear. There was lots of life, mainly starfish and crabs but it was fun all the same. I remembered what Edward had said, not to fall in, so I kept a safe distance away, but close enough to see. I liked spending time with Angie, she always knew what to do about everything, and if you just needed quiet, she would happily give it. I asked what I should do if I like a guy, a much more attractive and intelligent person than myself, but this person doesn't feel the same way, what do I? All she said was have you asked him? When I replied no, she simply said how do you know then? Angie is the best person to have around when you have a problem._

_When it started to rain, me and Angie went back to the truck as we were walking back we bumped into a familiar face, well for me at least. It was Jacob and a couple of his friends. The rest of the guys had come up from surfing and where crowded around a bonfire when me, Angie, Jake and the guys sat down. We all sat around talking when Jessica was talking to Mike about me inviting a date. Eric's face was so funny at the thought of me having a date, I had to try my best not to laugh while explaining I had invited Edward because no-one ever does. Angie thought it was nice, but Mike just laughed saying he was freak which he isn't and Jake's friends agreed saying "The Cullens don't come here," in a very cryptic tone, as if it was forbidden to come here, and their tone let a rather strange nagging in the back of my mind which I tried to ignore to no anvil. _

_Soon after that Jake asked me to go for a walk with him, I accepted obviously as he is my friend but I had some crazy idea that maybe I flirted with him, I could get the information out of him, why they couldn't come here, why they thought they were freaks. So we were walking along talking about Forks and then about his friends. Then I asked the question, what did he mean, the Cullens don't come here. He said he wasn't supposed to talk about it much I made an effort to give an alluring smile and he continued about the legend of his tribe being the descendants from wolves and the Cullens were from an enemy clan, the cold ones. They claimed to be different from their true enemies and his great-grandfather made a treaty with them. They had to stay of Quileute lands and they won't expose them to us. I asked if the Cullen were descendents of the family who they made the treaty with and he replied they are the same family, just with two new members. Then I asked the final question, what I really wanted to know, what are the cold ones? He simply replied vampires. Then fell about laughing at the fact I had goose-bumps, I laughed along too complimenting his storytelling. We agreed not to tell anyone about what we talked about and continued our walk until Mike came along and said we were packing up. I said goodbye to Jacob and thanked him for a nice time and I'd come back and see him soon._

_I had a great day, especially with Jake. But what we spoke about was whirling round my head. Was it real? Is it possible? What if it was? What if they are the family the Jake's great grandfather made a treaty with? That would make the Cullens…Edward…a vampire. I couldn't think straight, it was all too confusing so I'm going to put some music on and drowned out my thoughts._

_Night x_

Edward was happy that Bella had had a nice time with her friends. He was pleased that she was so close to Angela she could talk about her feelings with her instead of keeping them inside. Edward always like Angela, she was one of those sensible girls who liked everyone. He was particularly pleased with the advice that she had given to Bella. Maybe she would find the courage in her to ask him out, then again, maybe not when she had such absurd views on him, like him being "godly", etc. He also liked the fact the lad were in shock that Bella had actually asked a "date" to go, though she just said she was being nice, from her talk with Angela, he knew she wanted more.

His good mood was soon ruined when Bella started talking about Jake, and he was enraged when they went for a walk alone but he just had to laugh at the thought of Bella trying to flirt with Jacob for information, it was a ludicrous idea and plainly hilarious. I didn't like the idea of Bella trying to find out what he really was but Jakey-boy just broke the treaty, which could come in handy at some point, he thought as a devious smile played across his lips. Anyway, he had to admit Jacob could tell the story well, he got that from his father, but Bella wasn't easily scared, or at least he hoped she wasn't, so he was surprised when he read that she had goose-bumps.

A wave of jealous rage swept over him as he read that Bella had a nice time with Jacob. Of course, she was allowed to have a nice time but with Jacob, when he knew how he felt about her, the thought of Bella and him being alone, having time together that he wants to be spending with Bella. Forcing his way into their relationship, Edward didn't like this. He tried to resist running down to La Push and ripping Jacob's head off, but he was just so angry. He didn't want to believe that he was jealous, he didn't like the fact he was jealous of a dog, and he knew Bella, hopefully, would never leave him and choose Jacob but he couldn't help feeling this way. Edward hadn't felt these human emotions for so long and now, now he had Bella to bring his heart back to life, the emotion had come back 10 fold. He could resist tearing Jacob apart for trying to force them apart.

He placed the diary on the chair and jumped out the window. He began to run. He ran and ran until he met the invisible border line into Quileute lands. There he stopped.

**(A/N: OME is Edward going to kill Jacob? (I do hope so :P) Or will he see reason and run back to his Bella? Who know? I DO!!! Anyway hope you like it, I dedicate it to all my lovely reviewers because your reviews mean the world to me. Next Chapter will be up as soon as possible. Love ya all xxx)**


	8. In Which Edward Relives A Good, Bad Day

**Chapter Eight: In Which Edward Relives A Good, Bad Day.**

Edward stopped at the invisible border line into the Quileute's land. He was so sure of what he wanted to but something stopped him. Bella. Although Edward couldn't bear Jacob trying to force his way in their relationship but he couldn't bear to have Bella more. He knew that hurting her friend would hurt her. After all she had know him pretty much all her life, why would she feel the same way as he felt about her. He sat on the curb with his head in his hands wondering what he was about to do. He could never ever hurt Bella; he loved her and needed her too much to ever abuse her in such a way. He would have to leave Jacob be, he thought maybe he will hurt Bella in the future, though the thought pained him that his love would be in pain, but then she would no longer want him in her life and no longer care what happened to him and that would be his chance, he would take care of it later. He picked himself up off the ground and ran back to Bella. Climbing through her window, back into her room, he crossed it, kissing her tentatively on her cheek before continuing with the second reason for why he was here. To read her diary, to see inside her mind.

_March 6__th__ 2005_

_I had another dream last night, this one scared me. I opened my eyes to a familiar place – First Beach at La Push. I was looking around when Jacob Black was started tugging on my hand, pulling me back toward the blackest part of the forest. "Jacob? What's wrong?" I asked. I could see he was frightened as he yanked with all his strength against my resistance; I didn't want to go into the dark. "Run, Bella, you have to run!" he whispered, terrified. "This way, Bella!" I recognized Mike's voice calling out but I couldn't see him. "Why?" I asked, still pulling against Jacob's grasp, desperate not to be forced into darkness. Suddenly he let go of me, falling to the floor, shaking. "Jacob!" I screamed as I watched in horror. But he was gone, replaced by a large russet wolf with black eyes. The wolf faced away from me, pointing toward the shore, growling angrily, fangs exposed, every hair on its body standing on end. "Bella, run!" Mike cried out again from behind me. But I didn't turn. I was watching a light coming toward me from the beach. And then Edward stepped out from the trees, his skin faintly glowing, his eyes black and dangerous. He held up one hand and beckoned me to come to him. The wolf growled at my feet. I took a step forward, toward Edward. He smiled then, and his teeth were sharp, pointed. "Trust me," he purred. I took another step. The wolf launched himself across the space between me and the vampire, fangs aiming for the jugular. "No!" I screamed. That was when I woke up._

_I've never been so scared in all my life. The story that Jake told me yesterday was definitely playing with my mind. As today was the weekend I did a bit of research into vampires. Strong; fast; pale, cold skin; don't go out in sunlight; immortal; drinks blood. I couldn't think much, I had to go outside for some air. I couldn't believe I was researching vampires but how else do you explain him lifting a van off me? I can't believe what I'm saying, he isn't a vampire. I need to get my head straight. But surprising if he was a vampire I don't feel afraid, I just wanted to be with him, nothing is going to stop me, hopefully, if he'll have me. Did most of my homework after my trip, made dinner, planning on getting him a cookbook so he can cook his dinner while I'm in Seattle and tried not to think of my dreams, research or decisions._

_Night x_

She'd figured it out, Edward wished so dearly that she didn't try but Bella was stubborn so there was no point in trying to reason with her. And now she knew, well not exactly but she had her suspicions. He didn't like the dream, for Jacob scary story to mess with her head to cause her to have this nightmare. Though he knew the dream could be a possibility, he could give into his dark side, the monster within and he could do that to Bella and Jacob sooner or later would become the russet wolf in her dream. Mike however, no-one would mind if he disappeared, maybe Jessica and his parents but that's about it. He shook the thought away quickly. He would never let the dream become reality, not now, not ever. He didn't want to think of that entry anymore, he didn't like what had been revealed and what Bella may or may not think he is or whether she wants to be a part of his life anymore. He decided to read on, maybe the rest of the pages had some console in.

_March 7__th__ 2005_

_Well I was planning on seeing Edward today, the weekend had relieved lots of unexpected information and after I had a good night sleep, peaceful and dreamless, though I was woken by the sun, I knew I had to confront him, talk to him and tell me that he can be ??? for all I care, I'm not going to be smart and stay away, I'm going to be his friend, if he'd let me. However, he wasn't there. Apparently whenever the weather is nice, Dr and Mrs Cullen take them camping and stuff, according to Jessica anyway. That put a right, big stop to my plans, but there is always tomorrow. Today was generally uneventful; Mike asked me out but I told him Jess like him; forgot to ask Charlie about Port Angeles tomorrow, so I had to give Angie a maybe, but he said yes anyway so it doesn't matter; sent Mom an email because she was starting to worry; then went I to read a book outside, but they all reminded me of Edward but I fell asleep anyway. And now I'm going to bed now, have a busy day tomorrow._

_Night x_

Edward was glad she had a dreamless and peaceful sleep, better than the night before, he didn't want her to be frightened of him, even though she should be. He knew sooner or later he would have to tell her the truth he could no longer stay away from her and he could not longer hide it. He loved the idea of her not being smart and not staying away but he knew that it was too dangerous and that she would have to stay away but he couldn't be away from her and he wasn't about to let her go now. He smiled when he read about her being outside reading, for he was there. He liked the fact she was an Austen fan, old-fashioned, just like him; he thought it was funny she wouldn't read because the characters remained her of him, and he liked to watch her sleep, it was the only time they could be together, for now at least. While his renew sense of happiness remained he decided to the entry of his best and worst day of his existence.

_March 8__th__ 2005_

_Today was yet another glorious day. Well for Forks, it was glorious. I've noticed something about the sun, although I love to feel the warm rays on my skin, it seems to take Edward away from me, which I do not like. Today past very slowly for two reasons: one, the excitement of Port Angeles and two, Edward wasn't there. It was only when we arrived in Port Angeles my day got interesting. We arrived mid-afternoon and went on the hunt for perfect prom dresses. We found this cute little shop in the middle of the city centre which sold glorious gowns. Both Angie and Jess tried on thousands of dresses which were all dazzling. Jess finally decided on a fuchsia, halter neck that made her boobs look good, apparently and Angie picked a beautiful, white lacy thing with spaghetti straps and pretty beading. When we finished at the dress shop we went our separate ways so I could go to this bookstore and they could pick accessories. We said we'd meet at the Bella Italia at 8._

_So I went to the bookstore, on the way back I was being followed by some guy so I walked faster and faster but I got lost around some old factories. Eventually I found the way to the main road but they had herded me, as two more men came from another road, I was trying to remember the little self defence that Mom taught when she was taking lesson, but then a silver Volvo drove dangerously around the corner. I thought they were going to shove me in it but out stepped Edward Cullen, he told me to get in the car, while he did something to the men as they all ran off, got back in the car and sped away. He told me to distract him, so I told him to put his seatbelt on, he just laughed, telling me to put mine on and that he should go back and tear their heads off. I think he has a bit of a temper. _

_He drove me to the Bella Italia where I met a very worried Angie and Jess. Then Edward appeared explaining we had ran into each other and got talking and that he would drive me home after he had got me something to eat. We all thought that was very sweet me more so. So, we went to dinner. Me and Edward. It was quite funny; the waitress was making goo-goo eyes at him all the time, and he didn't even notice, he was too busy watching me. I asked how he does it, dazzle people, he gave me this odd look as if you what you on about, so I ask him if he knows what effect he has on people. He still seemed confused; asking if he dazzled people so I replied do you think everyone gets there way so easily? All he said was do I dazzle you, but the unfair smouldering told me to be truthful so I said frequently, instantly regretting it as I blushed a crimson red. He kept asking me if I was ok, I kept replying yes but he continued asking anyway. I had mushroom ravioli and a coke but I ended up drinking his too but I don't think he minded. He gave me his jacket when I realised I'd left mine in Jess' car._

_It was quite weird really, he told me that he could read minds, and he finally admitted he was vampire after I told him about the walk and talk I had with Jake as I tried to flirt the information out of him. Edward thought that that was funny. We talked about his family, if they could do what he can do, his eating habits, why he could go out in the sun, which he promised me he'd show me some time._

_Then the mood changed. He was trying to make me realize that he was dangerous. I told him that I didn't care, that it doesn't matter, that it was too late but he just said never say that. At that moment I was so grateful he couldn't read my mind because that way he wouldn't know how much that hurt. We sat in silence until he asked what I was thinking, then if I was crying. I had to quickly wipe my eyes and say no, but my cracking voice gave me away. All he said was that he was sorry. I asked him if I was going to see him tomorrow, he said yes, my stomach was filled with butterflies and rendered me speechless. I was hesitant leaving the car when he made me promise that I wouldn't go into the wood alone as he isn't the most dangerous thing out there. As I stepped out the car, he called me back to tell me to sleep well, his face inches from mine, his breath practically knocking me out. I got in Charlie asked if I had fun. Jess rang me, I told her I was ok and that my jacket was in her car and if she could bring it tomorrow then I went upstairs to get ready for bed, which I'm about to do now._

_Night x_

_P.S. __**About three things I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a vampire. Second, there was part of him — and I didn't know how potent that part might be — that thirsted for my blood. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.**_

Edward hated this day so much, the day those low-life's tried to hurt Bella. But today was also the best day of his life. That day was the day he was finally honest to Bella, and although he disliked the fact that she didn't care that he was a monster, he liked the fact they could be together if she so wished, which was perfectly clear that she was with her absurd views of him, the dazzling, the being stunned and rendered speechless, and the fact she said she was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him. He hated that he made her cry, to read it again pained him, he just didn't want her to think that way, but he guessed it was a little late now; it wasn't like he could stop her now.

He loved her so much, more than he thought was physically possible, but he did, and it was more than Bella would ever know. But he wanted to her to know. He wanted to tell her how much he loved her, how beautiful she was, how he wanted to spend the rest of his existence with her and that she was the reason for him to carry on. He crossed the room to sit on the side of Bella's bed. He ran his fingers careful up the side of her cheek, across her cheekbone, down the side of her nose, and over the corner of her mouth. He wanted her to know that he would always be there for her, to always help her, to make her happy, to do whatever it is that she asked (obviously within reason) as he would be her slave if that's what she wanted.

As he watched his sleeping angel, he felt again the sudden compulsion to wake her, to tell her all that he wanted to, to speak his mind to her, to tell her all.

That she is his life now.

**(A/N: So another chapter is up my lovelies!! Gosh I see the end is soon, but not yet so don't fret :D Another few to do and maybe a sequel. Anyway, back to this chapter, Eddie, Eddie, Eddie, what you doing? Stop thinking about waking her up, you'll be in a lot of trouble if you do. So, what's going to happen next chapter? Watch this space to find out :D Plus, the boldy bit is actually from Twiligh, of which in an AU I owe mwhahahah. Love ya all xxx **

**P.S THANK YOU GUYS I HAVE 50 REVIEW, KEEP REVIEWING!!! REVIEWS ARE LIKE LAZY DAYS AND CUPCAKE.... AWESOME AND I LOVE THEM!! READ AND REVIEW, LOVE YA XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX)**


	9. In Which Edward Played Question Time

**Chapter Nine: In Which Edward Played Question Time**

Edward, still sitting on the edge of Bella's bed, was watching her sleep peacefully. He smiled as he thought to himself that she was his. He watched her steady breathing and listened to the rhythmic beating of her heart. He knew that he couldn't wake her, the late nights and bad dreams were beginning to take its toll. Plus, he would much rather wait for a more romantic scene, like his meadow, than in her room, which, if woken now, could look quite odd. So, he left his Bella sleeping, only wishing he could tell her how he truly felt. Maybe he'd leave her a note one day when he went hunting. As the thought of what to put in his love note, he continued to read Bella's true feelings.

_March 9__th__ 2005_

_Today could possibly have been the best day of my life. He said that he would see me today, and I did, he turned up outside my house after Charlie had left. I was just going around doing my daily routine; I'd finished all the stuff in the house so I scooped up my bag and left. Locking the door, I turned around to my truck and there, leaning on the door of his Volvo, was Edward, dazzling me with that crooked smile of his. _

_Whe__n I asked him what he was doing, and he said that I had no jacket so the least he could do was give me a ride to school, and bring me a jacket too. The scent was just as imagined it was, just as alluring as it thought it was…oh how I wished yesterday wasn't a dream, but it couldn't have been, we were here in his car so it must have been real. He asked me why I wasn't asking any questions, I thought that they bothered him but he replied not as much as my reactions do, that I take things too coolly. He wanted to know what I was thinking, and that my editing drives him insane, I mumbled that he didn't want to hear it, I regretted it though, it pained me to say it and I hoped it didn't show. We drove to school in silence until, although thankful for the alone time, his family wasn't with him. When I asked where they were, he pointed to a red BMW convertible, and said they took Rosalie's car. When I asked why, after we had got out the car, he smiled saying that he was breaking all the rules now, as he walked less than an inch from me. I so desperately wanted to reach out and hold his hand but I was afraid that he wouldn't like that. _

_We arrived to find a bewildered and eager Jess who was clutching my coat. We both said hi and she just looked shocked and said she'd see me in Trig. Edward read her mind, she wanted to know if we were dating and how I felt about him, I knew what I wanted to say, but saying it, was a different story. I asked him what to say, he told me to say yes to the first but he was going to listen out for the second, then smiled and walked away. He's such a cheater. The lessons went so fast, it was soon Trig. Jess asked me so many questions, wanted every detail. I told her about the extremely pretty waitress and how he paid no attention to her, she asked if __we were dating, of which I said yes to. She also asked how much I liked him; I replied too much, more than he likes me. We talked about what we talked about, well obviously not all of it, and she kept going on about how gorgeous he was, so I told her he was more remarkable behind the face. It was a good but scary chat, I hoped he wasn't listening. _

_Lunch was the next time I saw him. He smiled and filled a tray, not that we eat it all, or should I say I wouldn't eat it all. I dared him to eat food, it was quite funny, though he said it tasted of dirt but he laughed at my curiosity. It took awhile but he eventually brought my conversation, starting with the waitress who he really didn't noticed that she was pretty. He said something that I had said bothered him, I laughed telling him that if you eavesdrop you often hear things you don't like. He asked me if I really thought that I cared for him more than he cared for me, but he was dazzling me, so it took me a while to answer that I did think it was true. He told me that I was wrong, I argued about it but he asked me what makes me think so. So I told him, that, apart from the obvious, it feel like he's always trying to say goodbye but that was his reason for him caring more. Then he wanted to know what the obvious was, so I said, as calmly as I could that I was so ordinary whereas he is so…perfect. He just told me that I didn't see myself clearly, yeah right. We kept arguing about the ability to say goodbye meant that we cared more, when he asked me if I really needed to go Seattle on Saturday, I laughed, telling him I still hadn't forgive for it, that I didn't really but it was the only excuse I could think of, because me and dancing doesn't go very well. I asked him if I could drive because I would have to lie to Charlie which I don't like and leaving my truck would bring up the conversation of not going by myself needlessly. He laughed but he told me that I should tell him, to give him some incentive to bring me back, that did scared me a little, that he may not bring me back._

_Then we talked his trip away, I learnt a few of their dinner favourites, Emmett's is bear, early spring when they are most irritated and Edward's is mountain lion. Apparently, they hunt like the animal of which is their favourite, but Edward got a little angry when I wanted to see, I asked if it was because it was too scary, he replied if it was he'd take me, I need a good dose of fear, but he could never have me around while he lost control like that, he might attack me too._

_Everyone watched us all day, it was quite annoying really, and I really do hate attention. Mr. Banner put a really boring movie on in Biology, but as soon as the lights went dark, there was this strange electricity current between us. My eye involuntary peeped at him and I smiled, his position was the same as mine, even the eyes, smoldering, I had to turn away before I started hyperventilating. Through the entire lesson it remained the same. Afterwards he walked me to gym. How I hate that lesson. When it had finished, Edward met me, idiot had watched the whole thing through other peoples minds, that's going to get incredibly annoying, I was rather irritated at him, I forgave him because he said he was sorry and he would let me drive on Saturday. Before I went inside, he said tomorrow was his turn to ask the questions…great. _

_Well, better get some sleep, got a lot of questions to answer tomorrow._

_Night x_

Edward laughed at how absurd Bella's image of him was. And how ordinary she thought she was. She just doesn't seem to comprehend how extraordinary she was, she was the most beautiful, remarkable, and special person Edward had ever had the fortune to meet. He liked that fact they were out in the open now, that he wouldn't have to pretend or ever leave her side. He thought it was funny how she couldn't seem to grasp that yesterday was real, well, at least he thought it was real, spilling his secrets to the girl he loved, it must have been real. He felt said that she thought he didn't want to know what she was thinking. He always wanted to know, although he may not like what she was thinking, he still wanted to know what it was. He laughed at the thoughts of Jessica and Bella's distaste to him listening in on their conversation. He only skimmed their argument, not wanting to dwell on the memories of the conversation or the thought that came with it. He also skipped over the talk of his trip away, not wanting to feel the anger he felt when Bella asked if she could watch. However, he was thrilled that she felt it too. The strange electricity that flowed through their vein in the bittersweet moment alone in the dark, she felt it too. He wondered if she felt the aching, the longing to reach out and just touch her hand, run his fingers over her soft skin. She must of; he balled up his hands, just as she did, and every now and again, they would look at each other from the corner of their eyes. She must have felt it, he thought, she must have. He smiled at tomorrow…his turn, the questions. This was an entry he was looking forward to.

_March 10__th__ 2005_

_Today was Edward turn to ask the questions. He was outside my house again this morning; he asked how I was and told me that I looked tired. I hadn't slept well that night, I dreamt of the electricity we had in biology, I was tossing and turning all night. He asked me loads of random questions like my favourite colour, the music in my CD player, the __movies I'd liked and hated, the few places I'd been, the many places I wanted to go, books I loved and hated, my favourite gemstone, which was topaz, until recently it was garnet but it was the colour of his eyes today, and I flushed when I told him. It was a common occurrence throughout the day, me blushing. The day past so quickly as I tried to explain impossible things, like scents, describe scenes of Phoenix, textures and beauty, it was really late when Edward told me that Dad was home. When I asked how late it was he replied "It's twilight. It's the safest time of day for us, the easiest time. But also the saddest, in a way… the end of another day, the return of the night. Darkness is so predictable, don't you think?" I replied, "I like the night. Without the dark, we'd never see the stars." I had it all again tomorrow, and in an odd sort of way I was looking forward to it, the time together, I liked today very much even if it was a little like psychoanalysis. I was just letting myself in when Jacob and Billy rolled up behind me, scaring me half to death. Billy gave me a death-stare, like he knew I was with Edward. Bill y was here to watch the game and Jake was well to see me I think, we talked about his car, my truck and Edward. It was nice, a little awkward though. Billy was still giving me the death stare when he left, luckily he didn't say anything to Charlie. Anyway I'm off to bed now, so tired from not sleeping well last night._

_Night x_

Edward was so pleased that Bella answered all his questions, at the time it was the only means of being inside her mind. Although some of the questions made her blush, he didn't care; he thought the crimson red of her blush was one of the most gorgeous colours he had the pleasure to lay his eyes upon. He hated that the day past quickly, he wanted to have more time, but he could not he would have to wait for another day, however, Bella lightened his entire mood when she spoke of the stars, for she was his star, the gleaming brightness in the night. He thought that it was funny she compared the endless questions with psychoanalysis but was thrilled that she enjoyed spending time with him. Unfortunately, his mood was dampened when Jake re-entered the picture, maybe he should have crushed while he had the chance and Billy, doesn't he ever forget? He guessed not. Maybe he'd go back now and crush Jake now while he had yet another chance, or wake Bella and tell her that he loved the blush on her cheeks and he wanted to spend the rest of forever with her. Decisions, decisions, decisions…

**(A/N: Another cliffhanger to another end. Like it says, decisions, decisions, decisions, which will he choose? If any? Or both? Who knows? Anyway hope you liked, took me a while to write, it's getting harder to think. Anyway, thanks you great reviewers, I love you, please review more, reviews are the reason I get out of bed in the morning!! Thanks guys, love you all xxx) **


	10. In Which Edward's Discovered

**Chapter Ten: In Which Edward's Discovered**

Edward decided that, against his better judgment, that he would do neither. Although crushing Jacob sounded an entertaining way to spend five minutes, he was a waste of his time. He had a silly, schoolboy crush which he'll soon get over; he's no threat especially with his special, acquired gifts and talents. And waking Bella, was generally a bad idea, especially when she looked so beautiful, smelt so alluring and all he wanted to do was hold her, kiss her, running his fingers over her soft, sensual skin. He had to stop his thoughts dead, not that he wanted to, he really wanted continue his daydream, even bring his dream to life, but it was too dangerous, if he lost control, he didn't even want to think what the consequences could be, instead he read trying to take his mind off Temptation.

_March 11__th__ 2005_

_Today was still his, but he was leaving at lunch with Alice, whom I officially was introduced to today. Today was more of a people day. He wanted to know more about Mom, what she was like, what we did together back in Phoenix, her hobbies, Phil. He wanted to know about my grandmother. It was funny when he asked me about my previous boyfriends. Although I did blush a radiant red when he first asked the question, I was able to keep cool the rest of the time. I told him in elementary and the first semester of high school, I'd rather boys be my friends than be my boyfriend, plus none of them would date me, I waved my hand around me as if to say, "look at me, I'm a freak", and I had no crushes on any of them anyway. He was just as shocked at my lack romantic history as Jess and Angie was the first time I talked to them, I just laughed at his facial expressions and he continued, asking about my friends back in Phoenix and if we still kept in touch, not that I had that many to keep in touch with. He wanted to know a little more of Charlie, he had never been on the wrong side of Law to meet him. I told him that he has four passions in life: one, his job; two, baseball; three, fishing and four, me. Not necessarily in that order but they were the four and after all, I am his only child. _

_I didn't want him to leave me at lunch today but it was necessary for him to go. I would just have to deal with being alone every now and again that's all. Mike naturally jumped at the fact that Edward wasn't there because as soon as we got to biology he made himself comfortable in Edward's soon to be empty chair. Will he ever get it in his thick skull that I do not want to go out with him? That I'm with Edward and I'm not leaving him any time soon? Let's hope so otherwise Mike may have a black eye before the end of the year and possibly torn limb from limb by Edward if I asked him nicely._

_He said that he will be there in the morning and he told me I had to be safe while he was anyway, I told him I'll do the washing and he asked me not to fall in. When I got in my car after school another slip of paper was left on my chair, again it read "Be safe" in a elegant script, and this time I knew he wasn't being annoying or nastily, but truly concerned about my welfare, what trouble could I get into in Fork, ok maybe I shouldn't ask that question. I was looking forward tomorrow, more alone time with Edward, my favourite way to spend my time. Going to get some sleep now, got a long journey tomorrow and I really need sleep._

_Night x_

Edward hated that Bella always belittled herself, she didn't see herself clearly at all, then again, she didn't know what the entire male population of Forks high was thinking when she arrived, or what half of them was still thinking, or what he could actually see every time he looked at her or into her eyes. Although he did like the fact he was her first and only boyfriend, this fact made him grin from ear to ear. He was shocked that she hadn't had any previous relationship, such a beautiful, intelligent, and remarkable woman, not being snapped up straight away surprised him, he would have made her his within the week, human or not, except for her awfully appealing scent. He felt a twinge of sadness at the memory of leaving his beautiful Bella. He hated leaving her, even for the most necessary of evils, even the most necessary of things to keep her alive. But what infuriated him more was the fact that that whiney, skinny, annoying Mike Newton always tries to squeeze his way in when he's not around. He was seriously going to have to do something about this Newton kid, his thoughts were disturbing enough, never mind what he tried to do when he wasn't around. Maybe he'd creep into his room one night and have a starring role in a very scary dream reminding his to keep his hands of Bella, she was _his_ girl. But he couldn't help but laugh when Bella was thinking the same thing about Mike getting it in his head that she just wasn't interested. He smiled that she liked to spend time with him, but he was worried about being alone with her, but with a bit of mind over matter and a lot of self-control, he will be with the one he loves. He read on to one of his favourite days he had in all of existence…the meadow with Bella.

_March 12__th__ 2005_

_Today Edward took me to his meadow. It wasn't too far from Forks but then we had to hike, it was mainly flat but still hiking doesn't help the uncoordinated. I had woken up especially early this morning but rushed to get on, not that I needed to, I struggled with the door, not something I usually do; maybe it was just nerves. When I got outside, there he was, just as he had promised, but he looked as if something was troubling him, the look soon dissipated as he looked me over. He laughed, when I asked what, he simply replied that we matched. We both wore a tan sweater and jeans; although he looked like some runaway fashion model and I looked like some runaway. So I drove as instructed to the place, the car journey one which was full of angry words meant in the kindest way, I only wanted to protect him and he only want to protect me from himself. When we got there was when we hiked. I tried not to complain about the hiking although I do hate it. I tried to resist the temptation to look at him, his beautiful perfection sent piercing stabs of sadness into my heart, yet every time he touched he made my heart do back flips. Twice, I swear he could hear it as that astounding crooked smile spread across his face. _

_When we arrived, what lay before us was a perfectly circular meadow full of wildflowers in violets, yellows and soft whites, swaying calmly in the light. A circle of pine trees surrounded the meadow, casting only a small shadow as the sunshine filled the circle with a buttery haze. I walked into the meadow, through the wildflowers and soft grass staring around with awe at its beauty, at how picturesque and quaint it was, I turned to share the moment with him but he wasn't behind me like I had thought he was. I frantically searched the edge for him until I found him in under one of the pines, shrouded in darkness, looking out at me, wary. I was only when he cautioned me as I took a step forward why he was doing this, today was the day he was going to illustrate what he looks like in the sun. I reached my hand out to him, hoping he would come and take it; it appeared that he'd taken a deep breath as he stepped out into his magnificent meadow. I spent most of the afternoon staring at him; he was quite astonishing in the sunlight. His skin, usually as white as snow, apart from the hint of pink in his cheek from yesterday's hunting trip, sparkled. As if his skin was encrusted with millions of tiny diamonds, catching the rays of the sun. He lay, glistening, lilac eyelid closed, like a perfect statue in the grass, not moving, only his lips quivering every now and again. When I asked what he was say he was singing to himself, too quietly for me to hear. I enjoyed the sun, I wanted to lay back in the grass with him but I couldn't take my eyes off him, in case he disappeared, just a figment of my imagination. I was always afraid he would disappear on me, I reached my finger to trace small circles on the back of his still, shimmering hand, his skin satin smooth, as hard as stone and as cold as ice yet still so enticing. When I looked back his face, his warm, liquid topaz eyes were open with a smile playing around the corners of his lips as he asked me if he was scaring me, naturally I replied no. The only thing I was scared of was him leaving me. A smile spread across his face as I replied, and I went back to drawing patterns with my finger on his hand, then up his arm. I asked his if he minded me doing this, he replied no, that I couldn't imagine how it feels .I went back to tracing my patterns up to his forearm while I turned his hand over with the other. He realised what I was doing so in one of his swift movement he turned his hand palm side up. I was a little dazed by the speed my hand froze on his arm. He apologized, saying it was to easy to be himself with me. This scared me a little, not that I showed it, to be himself, well was that to be himself as in charming, romantic, warm side he had or to be _himself, _the truth that he really is. I hoped it wasn't the latter. _

_He suddenly asked me what I was thinking as I was continuing to trace patterns upon his arm. I told him that I wished he was real and that I wasn't afraid. He softly murmured to me that he didn't want me to be afraid but what was hidden behind his words was that I had no reason to be afraid. I told him that wasn't the fear I meant but it was something to think about. All of a sudden, he moved as fast as the speed of light so his face was just a few inches away from mine. If I reacted like any normal human being I would have flinched away, but I couldn't move, his angel face and golden eyes were holding me in my place as he whispered to me asking what am I afraid of? I couldn't answer, not a single word left my lips as his sweet scent washed over me, but instinctively I moved in closer to him to smell that mouth-watering scent again and then he was gone. His hand was ripped from mine as he ran away. I focused my eyes to where he was, on the very edge of the meadow, in the darkness that matches his eyes. The expression on his face was one I didn't dare read. Hurt and rejection tore through me as my empty hands stung; I could feel the hurt spread across my face. I'm glad he couldn't see my face as I whispered to him that I was sorry, he merely replied that he needed a moment, which I was more than happy to give him as I needed one to, to try and calm myself from how dejected I felt._

_After what seemed a very long time he came back over, sitting still several feet, his eyes never left mine and he apologized asking me if I would understand if he said that he was only human? I nodded once in reply as the realisation of the danger finally sank in and must have sensed it too as he began to speak, saying that he was the world's best predator. That everything about him invites me in — his voice, his face, even his smell but as if I need any of that! Unexpectedly, he was on his feet, bounding away, instantly out of sight, only to appear beneath the same tree as before shouting to me as if I could outrun him. As he said that he pulled one of the medium sized trees from the ground and threw it shouting again to me that as if I could fight him off. I couldn't move I was so afraid. Never had I seen him so free from the mask he always wore, but never had I seen him more dangerous, less human…or more beautiful. His topaz eyes were aglow with excitement. I just sat there, my position fixed, my eyes locked upon him, unable to break free._

_His excitement soon began to fade away into sadness as he told me not to be afraid, that he swore he would never hurt me but it seemed that he was trying to convince himself more than he was trying to convince me. He told me again, his voice so seductive although I guess that wasn't his intention. He asked me to forgive me, that he could control himself but yet I still couldn't speak. After a while he spoke again, telling me he wasn't thirsty, to that all I could do was laugh, a very shaky, uneasy and broken laugh. I think he could tell that I was afraid, I wasn't any longer, just still in shock but he still asked me if I was ok, carefully placing his hand back in mine. I began to retrace patterns on his hand, looking up at him, smiling shyly. The smile he answered with was simply dazzling. Then he spoke again, asking me what we were talking about before he had acted so rudely…amazingly, dangerously, beautifully. I couldn't remember, but he did, we were talking about why I was afraid other than the obvious reasons. I still had got much coherent speech back and he was waiting for an answer. Finally, I answered saying that I couldn't stay with him although I wanted to, more than I should. He agreed with me that I should be afraid of that, and that he should have left long ago. I told him that I didn't want him to but he told me that is why he should but he was a selfish creature, that he craved my company to much to do what he should. I told him I was glad of this but he told me I shouldn't be in a harsh voice, withdrawing his hand from mine. He harshly reminded me that it wasn't just my company he craved, as if I could ever forget it, that he was more dangerous me than anyone else. He could see the confusion of my face so he tried to explain, we came to the conclusion that I was his personal brand of heroin. He told me he talked to his brothers about it and that it happened to Emmett but the consequences of the meeting wasn't in my favour. _

_We were silent for a while before said that there was no hope then. He instantly disagreed telling that there was, that for us it was different. We talked about the first day we met, he told me where he went when he didn't show up at school for days but his family did, he was trying to regain so coherency and control, before facing me again. His speech was a sad thing to listen to how appalled he was with himself, the sadness it brought him that he could hurt his family. He told me that he couldn't live with himself if he ever hurt me, that I didn't know how it would torture him The thought of me, still, white, cold… to never see me blush scarlet again, to never see that flash of intuition in my eyes when I see right through his lies would be unendurable. My head spun at the dramatic turn of our conversation. From talking cheerful about my could have been death to declaring our feeling to each other had left me wordless and he was waiting for me to say something. I finally said that he knew how I felt, that being here roughly translated into I'd rather die than stay away from him, I sighed then, saying I was an idiot, he agreed with me and we both laughed. "And so the lion fell in love with the lamb…" he murmured. I looked away, hiding my eyes as I thrilled to the word. "What a stupid lamb," I sighed. "What a sick, masochistic lion." He stared into the shadowy forest for a long moment, and I wondered where his thought had taken him._

_After a while I asked why, exactly, he had ran away from me before, I wanted to know how to make things easier for him. Edward told me that he was surprised by how close I was, that people usually shy away, and then the smell of my throat...I told him no throat exposure, he laughed saying that it was the surprise more than anything. He placed his hand on my neck to show me that everything was fine but his touch made my blood race, I knew how hard it was already for him, but to feel my blood rushing even more must have been even worse for him. _

_Unexpectedly, he whispered in my ear that the blush on my cheeks was lovely. (Yeah sure it is.) He carefully released his other hand, brushing my cheek before holding my face in his cold, beautiful hands. All he said was be very still as he placed his cheek in the hollow of my neck. I so very much wanted to move, but I was unable to, so I listened to the sound of his breathing and the wind playing softly with the bronze locks of his hair. His hand slowly slid down my neck making me shiver, coming to rest on my shoulders as his face came to rest on my heart, listening to the sound of my heart beat which, by this time, was erratic, skipping beats and stopping, he certainly noticed as he said ah._

_We sat there, unmoved, for what seemed like hours. Over time my heart slowed back to a normal pace, but he didn't move from his position, he just held me, but too soon he let me go looking up at me with peaceful eyes. Edward told me that it would never be so hard for him again. He placed my hand on his cheek, something I had only ever dreamed of doing since the first time I saw him, and it was warm from resting on my so long. I told him not to move and he became as stone, closing his eyes as I caress his cheek, stoked carefully his eyelid, the purple shadow under his eye, the perfect shape of his nose and his flawless lips that partly slightly so I could feel his cool breath upon my fingertips. I wanted to be so close to him, but I didn't want to push him so I leaned away dropping my hand. Edward eyes opened hungry. Not a hunger I should fear, a different kind of hunger, one I couldn't place. He spoke then, saying he wished that I could feel the complexity and the confusion he felt, but it was too hard to explain, that I could understand the hungry, the thirst, but there was this other hunger that he didn't understand, that were foreign, the ones that I couldn't place in his eyes I could not understand, but I understood and I told him this and he asked me if being human always felt like this, I only had my own experience to go on so I told him that for me, nothing before this. He held my hand between his as he spoke in a voice full of sorrow telling me that he didn't know how to be close to me, and he did not know how. I carefully placed my head on his chest telling him that this was enough. He wrapped his arm around me as I told his that he was better than he thought he was._

_We sat there again for what seemed to be an immeasurable amount of time before the silence was broken by Edward telling me that I needed to go. I didn't want to leave, not now, not ever. But the sun was setting behind the dismal grey clouds with rims of orange, pink and violet and Charlie would have been wondering were I was. He asked me if he could show me how he travels through the forest. He said we'd get to my truck faster and I would be very safe. He saw my hesitation, slinging me onto his back, clasping my arms and legs round him tightly. He took my hand, inhaling my scent, saying that it was getting easier all the time but I think he was talking to himself and not me. Then he took off like a bullet through the forest. I could bear to watch so I tightly shut my eyes, luckily it was over in a matter of seconds. Edward thought it was fantastic, I had other ideas, more like dangerously, sickening. He waited for me to climb down but I did not move. I asked me if I was ok, I told him I need a lie down. He waited a little more, and then I told him I needed help. He unclasped me, bringing me off his back. He asked me how I was, I told his I thought I was dizzy, I sat down on a nearby rock putting my head between my knees as Edward instructed me to. He thought it was hilarious that I was as white as he was. His mood was radiant, I loved seeing him like this, it made me feel like everything was going to turn out alright in the end. As I sat there he told me as he was running he was thinking, I made a sarcastic comment about not hitting trees, he just laughed saying no, about something he wanted to try. He took my face in his hands, hesitant to make sure he was ready, that it was safe before his cold, marble lips crashed into mine softly. As they did, my blood began to race, my lips parted to breathe in his scent as my finger wrapped themselves around him and in his hair, clutching him as close to me as possible. My stupid, over-reactive hormones got the best of me and Edward turned to stone, pushing me away. All I could do was breath opps, he told me that it was an understatement but I could see he didn't what to stop, that he had put up a restraint to stop himself before he lost control. I asked if I should give him some room but his hand held me fast, he just asked for a moment. Then he smiled my favourite crooked smile, telling me he was stronger than he thought he was and I told him that I wished I could say the same, but I didn't I wanted to continued with our passionate kiss but some reason forbid me from doing so. He told me I was only human, I smiled at that. He held out his hand to help me up, asking me if I was faint from the run or his kissing expertise, laughing as I replied both. He wanted to drive, saying I was intoxicated by his presence and I let him win the argument. As he drove me home we talked of his past, about life in the early 1900, of getting Spanish flu, of his parents. Then of his new family, of how he came to be, Carlisle loneliness, about Rose and Emmett, how Rose saved him, of Alice seeing Jasper in a vision and they found there way to them. I invited him inside; Charlie wasn't home like I thought he would be. We talked more about his family as I got my dinner ready, then he had to leave, disappearing into thin air as Charlie step through the door. Today was an absolutely fantastic day. The best day of my life. I wonder when I will see him again. I had finally found where I belong…with Edward._

_Night x_

Although today's events were still fresh in this mind, he loved to read Bella's view on the day. Some parts made him sad, he wished that she wouldn't thinking some of the things she did, then other times he was so thrilled that she felt the same, or thought something that made him so happy. Most of the time her thoughts made him happy, how much her words showed how much she loved him, and sometimes her thoughts just made him what to laugh like her perception of him being godlike, and how she disagreed about her blush, the sarcastic comments she made and just when she laughed, he wanted to too. Whenever she smiled, he smiled too, like it was contagious. He loved her so much, wanted to be with her always, to love her right, be close to her like he was supposed to and he knew in his soul it was going to be difficult but there was hope and he was going to do anything it took to make it work. He had finally found where he belonged…with Bella.

Just as he was about to turn the page, he heard a murmur…_Edward, are you there? Edward. _He was sure it was just Bella mumbling in her sleep again. Then he heard it again…_Edward, come here, I know your there. _He was less sure that she was still asleep and then his suspicions were proved correct as Bella shuffled up her bed and stretched before looking straight at Edward…who was still clutching her diary.

**(A/N: Sorry its been a while, not been in the right frame of mind, but I'm glad to say that I'm back with a really long chapter, sorry about that but it's an important chapter in the story… nearing the end :( but a sequel is being planned so do not fear!! Anyway R&R please, love you all…next chappy up soon…will Bella find out Edward was reading her diary?? Watch this space to find out! :) )**


	11. In Which Edward And Bella Talk

**Chapter 11: In Which Edward…And Bella Talk **

Edward froze, not knowing if she was still asleep or actually awake; the one thing he did know was he had to hide the diary from her. He knew that she wouldn't be pleased if she found out that he was reading her diary, she was probably going to flip at the fact he was sitting in her room while she was asleep, never mind reading her diary. A thousand thoughts were flying through his head until a small voice broke through the clouds,

"Edward, Edward, is that you?"

"Yes, Bella, I'm here," he spoke without thinking, not wanting to lie or frightened her.

"What are you doing here?"

Edward, placing the diary on the floor quickly, gave it a small kick so it slid to the other side of the room, under a pile of clothes so she would never know that he'd been reading it, before crossing the room to side beside Bella. He placed one hand on her cheek while tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear before smiling Bella's favourite crooked smile and replying, "What else is there to do at night?"

It looked like she had to think about what he just said before her face fell in shock, "how often?" she asked.

"Hmmm," he mumbled, not knowing what she'd just said as he seemed not to be listening, like he was distracted by something, probably thinking about how beautiful Bella was, or how much he wanted her or how much he wanted to tell her how he truly felt about her.

"How often have you come here and why?" she repeated slower this time to make sure she was heard.

"I've come here almost every night, you're very interesting in your sleep, you talk a lot." He said openly, smiling slightly.

In that same instant Bella usually deathly pale skin became aglow with feverish scarlet all the way from her hairline, completely across her face. She gripped the sheets so hard she pulled them out from the sides of the bed they were tucked into. Bella always knew that she talked in her sleep, her Mom and her laughed and joked about it but she never thought that she had to worry about it here, not that anyone would be watching her sleep or anything, or so she hoped. Edward noticed Bella's horror stricken expression and the bright crimson colour of her face and his own expression turned to chagrin, "You're very angry with me, aren't you?"

"That depends on what you heard," she spat back icily, more icily than she intended to. Seconds later he had her hands in his, staring straight into her eyes, smiling that favourite crooked smile of hers before speaking,

"Please, love, don't be upset, you talk a lot about you mother, you miss her very much, you worry about her, whether she is ok or not. You used to talk about Phoenix a lot but that is less so now, once you said that Forks is too green." He laughed lightly, not wishing to offend her in anyway.

Her voice was small when she asked her next question, "Anything else?"

"You did say my name," he said his voice just as small as hers.

"A lot?"

"Depends upon your perception of a lot."

"Oh No!" her face began to glow a bright scarlet again as she hung her hand to hide her shame.

Edward, seeing how upset and ashamed she was of her little quirk, he pulled her tightly to his chest, holding her there in his arms as he whispered, "Love, please, _don't be self-conscious, if I could dream all I would of you and I'm not ashamed of it."_ Then he slowly moved away so that they were sitting next to each other. He carefully flicked on the bedside lamp. "Nice," was the only word that escaped his lips before a grin spread across his face.

Bella looked down to see what he was commenting at when she saw what she was wearing, a holey t-shirt and very old, grey sweatpants. Now she really wished she listened to her mother when she suggested packing the silky expensive pyjamas she bought her one year. As if I need them in Fork, she thought when her mother suggested it, now she wished she had as she grimaced.

Edward saw her distress and quickly tried to amend the situation, "it looks good on you." He smiled slightly, trying to ease her. And it worked as she smiled too, merely saying "thank you."

Bella moved further over the bed so that Edward could lie down next to her. He softly placed her hands on his face as they stared into each other's eyes, running his fingers through her hair, over her pinkish cheekbones, tracing the shape of her lips.

"It seems…erm…to be much easier…er for you…to be…erm with me," she stuttered out unable to string a coherent sentence together due to his teasing.

"Does it?" he replied as he carefully slid his nose across the length of her cheek.

"Erm, yes…it does…erm…why, er, do you think…that is?" she asked, still stuttering, as Edward continued with his unfair teasing.

"Mind over matter," he replied simply, brushing his lips over collarbone.

Bella, unable to withstand his teasing any longer slowly shuffled backwards up the bed, not wanting to startle him. When she had reached a good enough distance to prevent his teasing, she looked up at his face, his jaw clenched at Bella's sudden yet slow movements.

After what seemed an immeasurable amount of time Edward's clenched jaw relaxed before he spoke, "Have I done something to upset you?"

"You, you're killing me…" she replied.

"Oh, I'm sorry," he answered in a small voice, "how, may I ask, am I killing you?"

"You are driving me insane with your teasing," she said simply.

He pondered what she had just said to him for a few minutes before a victorious smile spread across his already beautiful face. After a few seconds of his radiant smile, he finally spoke, "Really?"

"It's not something you should be proud of, you know."

Grinning, he replied, "I'm just bewildered, that's all. After a hundred years I never thought I'd find anyone I wanted to spend the rest of my existence with, other than brothers and sisters. I never dared to dream of anything quite like this. And then what's even more bewildering is the fact that after all this time, my emotions and my heart were dead and buried and now its all new to me, I'm good at being with you…quite, quite confusing."

"You're good at everything," Bella pointed out, almost a whisper, though she knew Edward would still hear it.

"That's technically not true," he replied, a huge grin spread across his face, "but I'll let you have that one."

"But why is it so easy now…this afternoon…spending all that time with me?"

"It's not easy, I still hadn't made up my mind, and I behaved so inexcusably, you see, while there was a chance I could be overpowered, while I didn't believe I was strong enough, I was vulnerable. Now, there's no possibility, I am strong enough…I could never, I would never…" he spoke in a hushed, soft tone, holding both of her hands in his, occasionally taking in the scent of her wrists.

Bella had never seen Edward fight so hard to find the right words, she stared at, sort of awestruck at how human he really was, although lying there he did look like some sort of Greek God. A few moments later she finally spoke, "It wasn't inexcusably, I forgive you," she smiled, and so did he. She continued, "So there's no chance, no possibility that you could even…"

Before she could even finish her sentence, Edward spoke, "Mind over matter, but I'm fairly sure if it all gets too much I'll be able to leave."

Bella, who hated it when Edward talked about leaving, shot an angry glance at him, frowning.

Edward hadn't seemed to noticed and continued to talk, "It'll be harder tomorrow, I've been with you all day, I've practically become immune to your scent," taking in her scent as he spoke, "if I leave for any amount of time, I'll have to start again, but not completely.

"Well I have the answer to your problem."

"What's that then, love?"

"Just don't leave," she answered with a smile.

"That's fine by me, bring on the shackles for I am your prisoner," he grinned, holding his wrists together in front of her, she couldn't help but laugh. She closed both of hands around his wrist, looking up at him, smiling; he pulled her closer to him.

"I've never seen you like this, so confident, so happy," Bella commented.

"Isn't this what it's supposed to be like?" he asked while running his finger through her hair, "The power of first love? It's fascinating how different experiencing it is to seeing it or reading it. For example, jealousy. I never felt it in my entire existence and yet I thought I had grasped the concept, I've seen it in films and plays, I've read of it in a million different books, but the day Mike Newton asked you to the dance, I felt a rage inside that I'd never felt before even more so due to the fact I couldn't hear your thoughts…why had you rejected him, because of Jessica or was there someone else. I tried so hard not to care, but I couldn't help it. Then another asked, and another, I waited for each answer, each expression and felt relief at each one you turned down. That was the first night I came here." His hand gestured around the room before taking Bella's hands back in his. "I fought with myself all night about what I should do, the right, moral thing to do, or what I wanted. I knew I should have ignored you or left but the thought of you saying yes to someone like Mike Newton enraged me, I couldn't bear it. Then you said my name. And I felt hope, although I thought you were awake and was about to freak out with me being there but you rolled over saying my name once more before sighing. The feeling that raced through my veins as you spoke my name was startling, astounding and from that moment I knew I wouldn't be able to keep away from you now. But jealousy is an incredibly powerful and yet ridiculous emotion – like now when your father asked you about that annoying Mike Newton."

Edward sighed, turning away from Bella to stare out of the window. She could she he was angry…not at Charlie or her, maybe he was angry at Mike Newton for not taking the hint but he was mostly angry at himself, he hated irrationality and to him, being jealous of Mike Newton was irrational.

"You really felt jealous of Mike when Charlie just spoke of him?"

"Yes, you have to remember this is new to me so everything is so much stronger. You're bringing my human side back to life."

"Seriously though, Edward, for that to trouble you after you told me that Rosalie, Rosalie, the meaning of true beauty and perfection, was to be what Esme is to Carlisle, whether she had Emmett or not, how I am ever supposed to compete with her?"

"There's no competition," he replied to Bella's worried tone of voice with a huge grin across his face.

"Precisely, that's what I'm worried about; there is no way I can compete with her.""Rosalie maybe beautiful, and even if she wasn't my sister or she didn't have Emmett, she will never hold one hundredth, no, that's not small enough, one thousandth of the attraction that you hold for me. I've spent ninety years of my existence searching for you and I didn't even know I was but I couldn't find you because you weren't born yet," he spoke in a hushed voice, pulling her hands from around his back, lifting her onto his lap, holding her close to his chest.

Bella, in reply to what he had said, whispered, "That's not right, I didn't even have to wait for you, maybe a few weeks while you ignored me, deciding, but you had to wait over ninety years for me, that's not fair, why should I get it so easy?"

Edward laughed before he answered, running his fingers of his free hand through her hair, "You're quite right. I'll definitely have to make it much harder for you, even if you risk your life every time you are with me, that's not much is it? And you have to turn away from nature and humanity, that's not a high price to is it?"

"No, not really, I don't feel deprived of anything."

"No, not yet," his voice full of an age-old sadness Bella couldn't comprehend.

Bella, about to argue with him, tried to pull him around so that she could look into his eyes but his hands froze around her wrists, then releasing them before disappearing out the window, whispering, "Lie down" as he left.

Bella, completely confused by his actions, followed his instruction quickly. Moments later, Charlie opened the door, checking Bella was still asleep, after he heard a noise. Another moment passed before Edward came back, wrapping his cold arms around her under her bed covers before whispering into her ear, "Don't go into acting, love."

"Why?"

"Because you are a terrible actress."

"Damn, my dream job out the window," she replied smiling.

A few moments later Edward began to hum a charming melody but he abruptly stopped. "Would you like me to sing to you as you fall asleep?" he asked.

Bella laughed exuberantly yet only whispered, "As if you can sleep while you're here."

"You used to do it all the time."

"That was before I knew you used to watch me sleep."

"So, if you're not sleeping, what do you want to do then?"

"I've no idea."

"Tell me when you have," Edward replied, smiling her favourite crooked smile, as he slid his nose across her jaw, his cool breath on the back of her neck before he inhaled.

"I thought you were immune?"

"_Just because I'm resisting the wine, doesn't mean I can't appreciate the bouquet._ It's very floral, your scent, either lavender or freesia, I can never make mind up but it's absolutely heavenly tempting."

"Yeah, but it's a bad day when people don't tell me that I'm good enough to eat."

Edward laughed quietly to himself. They sat quietly for a while as Bella thought of what she wanted to do. Edward, on the other hand, sat gazing at Bella, admiring her, the expressions on her face as she thought; the way one piece of hair would always fall down the front of her face although it should have gone backwards; or the way she'd bite her bottom lip slightly when she wasn't sure she should say what she was thinking.

"I've decided that I want to know more about you," she finally replied.

"What do you want to know?" he asked.

Bella sat thinking again, Edward only assumed she was searching for the questions she most wanted answering. After a couple of minutes she asked her question, "Why do you deny what you are, I still don't quite get why you'd work so hard to resist it. Don't misunderstand me, please, I'm naturally glad that you do, I just don't get why you'd bother in the first place."

Edward was quite for a moment, thinking of a suitable way to answer Bella's question, then he answered, "It's a good question, one that I've heard before, the others, they also wonder why we choose to live this way, but just because this is the hand fate dealt us, doesn't mean we can't try and change it, to break down the walls of destiny and maintain some of our humanity."

Silence was all that remained in the room as Bella stared sort of awestruck at Edward after he finished his answer to her question, she had no idea what to say to an answer like that.

"Have you ran out of questions or just fallen asleep?" Edward whispered into Bella ear as she lay there next to him.

"Neither, I have a million more questions…" she trailed off, blushing at her big mouth, she didn't want him to know that she was extremely curious about him and his family, too curious for her liking.

"You can ask me anything, Bella."

"Why is it that you can read minds, and Alice sees the future, why does it happen, why only you, and did the others bring "gifts" with them?"

"Carlisle has a theory about it but no-one really knows. He believes that we each bring our strongest trait we had when we were human with us and it gets amplified like our minds and senses. He believes that I was sensitive to thoughts of others which now means I can read mind. Alice, we believe had premonitions which resulted in her seeing the future now. Carlisle brought his compassion, Esme her love, Emmett has his strength and well, Rose has her stubbornness we could say. Jasper, he is an interesting one, he was very…charming in when he human, he was very influential to people around him so now he can control people's emotions, calm a room or excite them…incredibly subtle."

"Do you know were it all started, someone turned Carlisle and someone must of turned him etc, etc…"

"No-one knows that either. Maybe we are like you, either created or evolved. Maybe it is we are your next evolutionary step, or if you believe in the Creation, why could we both be created together, predator and prey?

"Interesting," Bella sat, thinking of what Edward just told her.

"Ran out of questions again have we, Bella?" Edward asked with a huge grin on his face, several moments after Bella last spoke

"No, I haven't ran out of questions, you know I'm far too curious to have ran out of questions now, I'm just trying to decide whether I should ask this question or not," Bella retorted, a little icier than she had hoped for.

Edward's grin lessened to a smile, "Bella, like I said earlier, you can ask me anything."

Bella bit her bottom lip she wasn't sure if she should ask this question or not in fear of upsetting Edward but she was such a curious soul and she really did want to know. After all, she wanted to spend the rest of her forever with him, like him so she would have to find out from him sooner or later. She thought she could possibly ask Carlisle but she would be far too embarrassed and what she's heard of Emmett she didn't want him telling her. Biting her lip again, she looked up at him through her hair that had fallen over her face, smiling a shy smile before asking her question, "You said that Rosalie and Emmett were getting married, again and I was just wondering if that's the same. You know is, is marriage the same for you as it is for humans?"

Edward laughed but not out of amusement, "Is that what you're on about, well I suppose it's the same, the desire is still there, just masked by much more powerful desires, was there some sort of reason for you asking this question?"

"Well, I was wondering, someday, me and you…"

Edward suddenly froze next to Bella, instantly serious. Bella, feeling Edward had become extremely still, froze too. "I don't that it would be possible for us Bella. Its not that I couldn't be so close to you, it is, I suppose one factor, it's the fact you are so very breakable and you don't even know it. Every time we are together I have to take so much care not to hurt you in any way. If I was too moved to quickly, if I don't pay enough attention, I could so easily kill you, without even meaning to. You have no idea of how extremely delicate you are, I could never ever lose control when were together, ever."

Bella sat in silence for a while as she went over in her head what Edward had just said. Edward, on the other hand, was growing more and more anxious at her silence until he finally broke it, "Bella, are you alright? Bella."

Bella, hesitant in her answer, spoke in a voice barely louder than whispering, "Yes, I'm fine, thank you."

He turned his face to Bella, smiling, his mood lighter than it was before, "You've arisen a curious spark in me."

"Oh have I?" Bella smiled cheekily as she spoke, unaware of what his next comment was.

"Well, I was wondering, have you ever?" his sentence trailed off suggestively, trying to make his meaning clear.

Bella's face fell in shock as she flushed, "Of course not, I've never felt anything like this before, never."

"I knew that before I asked it just sometimes, love and lust, I can tell by people's thoughts, that they don't always keep the same company."

"For me, they do, now that they exist," Bella sighed quietly.

"Well, at least we have another thing in common," Edward sighed to, smiling at her.

"Do you find me attractive in any other way than just my blood?" Bella sort of blurted out, her inquisitive nature taking over, before she blushed the deepest shade of scarlet.

Edward laughed, running his fingers through her hair, over her cheek bones and across her lips as he smiled that crooked smile Bella loved, "Bella, love, _I may not be human, but I am a man."_

Bella yawned.

"It's time for you to get some sleep, would you like me to leave?" he sounded insisted that she gets some sleep.

"NO!" she said a little too loud and Edward laughed quietly before humming the same mysterious melody as he did before into her ear while she fell softly to sleep in his strong, cold, protective arms.

**(A/N: GUYS!!!! Sorry it took so long. I've been on holiday, then I didn't feel like writing and it turned out to be such a long chapter took ages to write :D Anyway, you may think this is the end…BUT IT'S NOT!!! Chapter Twelve is on its way and I'll try and make it a short one so you don't have loads to read after this chapter. Hope you like it, don't forget to review, love you all!!!)**


	12. In Which Edward Finds Her Journal Again

**[A/N: Sorry I haven't updated in a while, I wasn't in the right frame of mind, if I tried to continue in the state I was in the story would be more like **

"**In which Edward kills Bella, then Charlie before going on a blood-lust fuelled killing spree around Forks until everyone his dead before turning on his own family, murdering them and joining the Volturi so he can torture people and feed his blood lust."**

**Which wasn't what I was envisioning, so, sorry it's been a while but I wanted to be in the right frame of mind so the story actually went to plan. So, to say sorry, you have an extra long chappy…..OH GOODIE!!! ENJOY!!!]**

**Chapter Twelve: In Which Edward finds Bella's Journal…again.**

It's been many weeks since Edward had last read Bella's Journal, a lot had happened since then and he often thought about searching for it, getting back that bit of insight into Bella's mind, knowing her a little better, knowing her true feelings. But he came to the conclusion that it was rude, not that reading it in the first place wasn't, but he just wanted to know what was happening inside Bella's mind for a change.

It was Prom night and Edward brought Bella home late, about one o'clock in the morning. They kissed on the doorstep before Edward had to let his love go so she could go to bed and he go home and get change before coming back again. Charlie hadn't gone to bed yet but he did as soon as Bella locked the door behind Edward. Bella had a shower, got her pyjamas on, shouted night to Charlie before writing a brief entry into her Journal about her amazing evening and climbing into bed.

Moments later, Edward climbed through the window quietly to avoid waking Charlie in the next room. He crept over to the bed only to find his Beautiful Bella sleeping. She must have been exhausted, after all she did have a very long day – especially when Alice had attacked her for half of the afternoon with make-up for the Prom. He ran his fingers slowly through her hair so that he did not wake her, she needed her sleep after the stresses of her day, he then carefully ran them over her cheekbone as he whispered into her ear "I love you, my beautiful Bella, more than you can possibly ever know."

Bella, who had only one small piece of consciousness left in her before she drifted away into a peaceful slumber, felt Edward's presence beside her and heard what he had said as she mumbled "I love you too Edward, so very much," instinctively moved closer to him, smiling. Edward smiled, pulling her closer to him, and then she lost her fight with the unconscious and drifted away.

Edward smiled as he watched his Bella lay there asleep in his arms. She looked so fragile as she slept, even more delicate than she did when she was awake. He loved watch her breathe; the way her chest rose and fell in a slow, steady motion and the sound of the rhythmic beating of her heart, you could almost dance to it. He hummed softly, her lullaby, not that she would be able to hear him, her ears weren't sensitive enough to be able to hear it, yet it seemed somehow she knew as she drew herself closer to him, if that was even physical possible.

A few hours past, by now Bella would have sleep-talking about Edward leaving her, saying "Edward, please, don't go, not now," or "Edward, no, don't, please, come back," but ever since Bella had found out that Edward was there, watching her, protecting her, her rambling got less and less, especially about Edward leaving, which Edward was pleased about but he missed hearing her speak his name in her sleep. She occasionally would say something like "Edward, I love you," or words to that affect, but he still missed it.

He sat idly in the rocking chair as he did many nights just watching his Bella sleep, but tonight was slightly different. He usually just sat there, occasionally going to her, kissing her cheek softly, moving hair from her face that sort of thing but tonight as he crossed the room, he saw something poking out from underneath Bella's pillow that wasn't usually there and must have been concealed earlier, it was the red, smooth velvet and entwining leaf pattern of the book he so quickly came to adore and so foolishly lost. A mischievous grin slowly spread from one side of his face to another, knowing he finally found what he had not dared to search for. He finally had his equaliser back, his way into Bella's beautiful, unreadable mind.

Bella stirred just as Edward reached his usual seating place, she mumbled, "I'm betting on Alice, always on Alice," before rolling over and resuming her not-so-dreamless sleep. Edward just shook his head, she was obviously still thinking about they were talking about at the Prom, well more like arguing about, she was so stubborn and wouldn't change her mind, Edward eventually let it go but he knew deep down she wouldn't.

Settling back into the rocking chair, he flipped the book open, searching for the first entry he hadn't read. It didn't take him very long to find it.

_March 13__th__ 2005_

_The little sleep I had last night was the best sleep I had had in a while, maybe it was the fact that I knew that Edward was lying next to me, watching and protecting me as I slept. The watching made me a little nervous, I was so embarrassing to know that he could hear me sleep talk, I knew that would come back to haunt me one day. He didn't seem to mind so much, he thought it was quite amusing and he liked that fact that I dreamt of him, that I whispered his name as I slept. I suppose it wasn't so bad if it made him happy._

_I woke up in the morning to find hazy light drifting through my window indicating it was going to be another cloudy day in Forks. It felt like last time was a dream, a very good dream, surely it wasn't a dream? I wasn't that imaginative, was I? I was like Edward had answered my thoughts that I knew he couldn't hear, as he so nicely pointed out that my hair looked like a haystack but I couldn't care less then, he had stayed and I was a little over enthusiastic when I pointed that out to him, but he just laughed, telling me that of course he did and that Charlie had left about an hour ago, after reattaching the cables to my car battery after thinking I was going to sneak out last night. Seriously, talk about paranoid._

_I told him I needed a human minutes and I got on with my daily, morning routine before coming back in, noticing he had left. I questioned him and he told me he missed nothing that I was talking early, that I had told him that I loved him, which he already knew, but he liked to hear it all the same, apparently, so I said it again. He replied simply, "You are my life now." But, our quiet romantic moment was quickly ruined by the growling of my stomach. "Breakfast time," he announced cheerily, as my hand flew to my neck, shock covering my face. The look on his face was priceless. I told him that I was joking; he didn't seem to think that it was very funny, but it was and he knew it. _

_So, I got myself some breakfast, "hunting" it down in the cupboards. As I was happily munching away of my cereal as he instructed me to, I asked him was we were going to do today. He asked me if I wanted to meet his family. I had met his father, Dr Cullen. He seemed very nice when I met him after my "accident," he looked after me. And I knew most of his siblings from school, none of them were in any of my classes but I had seen them in the lunch hall. Alice always looked friendly and Jasper, well, he looked in pain but I should imagine he was nice too. Emmett, on the other hand, was the scariest person I had ever seen; he looked as big as a house and probably had the strength that came with it too. And Rosalie had a clear distaste for me, she was always giving me death stares, they made me shudder. After a moment, I gulped. _

_He asked me if I was afraid and I said yes, because what if they didn't like me. I didn't mention the fact that two of his siblings scared the crap out of me. He also proposed the idea that I should tell Charlie about Edward…being my "boyfriend," though it was much more than that. That was one conversation I was not looking forward to having. He demanded whether I would or not, as he thought Charlie deserved an explanation for why he was around a lot. I asked him if he meant that, he said as long as I'd have him, which would be forever which I told him. He seemed sad when I said that, placing his cool hand upon my rather warm cheek, I asked him about it; I received no answer. _

_He stared into my eyes for the longest time, I completely forgot to eat. When he finally spoke, his words made me jump. Once I had finished my breakfast, I went back upstairs to get dressed; Edward said he would wait for me at the bottom of the stairs. I had no idea what to wear, my wardrobe is pretty limited so I pulled on that dark blue blouse he had once paid compliment to and a pair of black, tight-fitted, skinny jeans. I wore my Grand-mother's necklace and the bracelet my Mom got me for my 16__th__ birthday – it was silver with sapphires in. I brushed my hair, sliding my favourite blue flower clip in to move some of my hair out of my face. I slipped on my cleaner pair of Chucks before bouncing back down the stairs declaring I was decent as I went. I was near the bottom before I realised Edward was staring at me. "What?" I asked, he replied, "You are utterly indecent; no-one should look so tempting, it's not fair." _

_I didn't know what he meant, I asked him how and I turned around to go change, when he pulled me back, closer to him that I was before, placing his lips on my forehead; his closeness, his smell, making me dizzy. "Do you want me to explain how you are so tempting to me?" he asked as he traced his cool fingers down my spine, further and further down. I could do nothing but stare into his eyes, unable to think, as his cool lips softly touched mine. Then it all went black._

_It was too black._

_It wasn't long until Edward's voice calling my name brought me back from wherever it was I had been. I was so very embarrassed, I must have flushed a least 10 different shades of red, each on brighter and deeper than the next. When I finally was able to form some sort of coherent sentence I accused him of making me faint, he laughed wondering out loud what he was going to do with me, that when he kisses me I either attack him or faint. He also said he wasn't good at everything which was, too me at least, clearly absurd. He reminded him that he was good…too good. Then, he began worrying, asking me if I felt sick. I flushed again as I told him I think I forgot to breath, he just laughed. He was about to cancel our little trip when I told him I still wanted to go, even if I knew they'd think I'm insane. _

_As we were walking to the car he unexpectedly told me that he loved the blue with my skin. I tried my hardest not to blush, but I did, from both embarrassment and pleasure. I insisted that we get on with this already, I could my legs starting to give beneath me, I don't think I had ever been this nervous in my entire life. He chuckled quietly before asking me if I was nervous, not because I'd be in a house full of vampires, but they may not approve me of, which I informed him, was correct. He just shook his head, saying I was incredible. That wouldn't be my choice of words. _

_While we drove I realised I had no idea where he lived. It was a few miles from the centre of Forks, a thinning in the forests surrounding the road. There was unpaved road which seemed to wind on forever. There was another thinning in the forest and sure enough a house appeared with what seemed to be a meadow spread out in front of it. Or was their front lawn? His house wasn't what I had excepted it to be, but I wasn't expecting coffins, dungeons and moats either. It had a timeless grace to it and more than a hundred years old. The exterior was a faded white, soft and clean, three stories tall, angular and proportioned well. The windows and doors were either part of the original structure or a perfect restoration. Nearby there must have been a river, I could hear it quietly._

_My car was the only one in sight, hopefully no-one would be home, but I was a little taken back by the beauty of his house to be really bothered. I was subconsciously walking forwards towards the house and Edward was naturally right behind me. I could nothing but "wow" and he just smiled, pleased that I liked it. He asked me whether I was ready to go inside, his hand already on the door handle. I answered truthfully, that I wasn't but we should go inside. I ran my fingers through my hair, something I did when I was nervous, he reminded me that I looked lovely, I didn't feel it and I probably didn't, well I never thought I did – I mainly looked plain, just average little me._

_He took a hold of my hand as he opened the door, drawing circles with his thumb to soothe me. It wasn't working. He opened the door and it was more surprising and less predictable than the exterior. It was just one, open, wide space. It must have been several rooms to begin with but all the walls had been removed. The furthest wall was a vast window looking out onto the lawn stretching out as far as I could see until it met the river. On one side of the room was a spiralling staircase, it was gigantic, dominating that entire side of the room. The room itself had a high-beamed ceiling with high wall. Everything was in various shades of white. Standing next to the spectacular grand piano on a raised section just left of the door, was Edward's parents._

_Obviously I had met Dr Cullen before after my "accident" but his youth, beauty and perfection still struck me. I only assumed that at his side was his wife, Esme. She was the only member of the Cullen family I had yet to meet. She had the same pale complexion as the rest of the family and just as beautiful. There was something about her heart-shaped face and the cascades of caramel-coloured curls that just made me want to hug her, just her appearance made her seem motherly but yet she reminded me of those exquisite women in the movies during the silent-movie age. Both were in light, casual clothes and had welcoming smiles on their faces. They didn't move from where they were standing…obviously not wanting to scare me away._

_Edward introduced me to them, Carlisle greeted me first, saying that I was welcome and we shook hands. I told him that it was nice to see him again; I was being proper so I was calling him Dr Cullen until he insisted I called him Carlisle. I felt very relaxed and confident now, Edward seemed more relaxed too, maybe it was something to do with being so incredibly safe and sure with Carlisle. Esme then stepped forward, smiling, shaking my hand as well, greeting me very similarly to Carlisle. I told her that I was very glad to meet her, which I was; it was like meeting Snow White, a real life Snow White. Edward enquired where Alice and Jasper were just as they appeared on the stairs. _

_Alice always seemed very enthusiastic and she was. She ran down the stair, vampire speed, to greet Edward but came to a sudden halt when she saw me. Carlisle and Esme looked at her disapprovingly but it was nice that she felt like she could act naturally around me, it made me feel, I suppose, part of the family. Their disapproving looks didn't stop her from bounding up to saying hi and kissing me on the cheek. But that's before she backed away, rather quickly. I loved that she approved of me but shocked by her actions, as were everyone else in the room. Carlisle and Esme gave her another disapproving look, but she didn't seem, she was looking at me, if she could blush, she'd probably look like I did, the deepest shade of red. "Oh, you do smell good," was all she said and my blush got increasingly bright._

_I suddenly felt comfortable despite what just happened when I realised Jasper was standing next to Alice and I remembered what he could do. He was very polite when he greeted me but didn't offer to shake my hand, I was polite too, unable to feel awkward at all. When the individual greetings were over I said it was very nice to meet them all and told them that they had a lovely home. Esme, smiled and thanked me, I could tell by the feeling in her voice that she thought that I was brave. I suppose, in a way, I was, being in a house full of vampires and all. I noticed that neither Emmett or Rosalie were present but I knew why that was. Edward has already told me that they had expressed a dislike to me and left it at that. _

_I was taken from my train of thought when I saw Carlisle staring meaningfully at Edward who nodded from the corner of my eye. Trying to be polite, I turned away; my attentions draw to the grand piano Edward's parents were originally standing by. It was such a magnificent instrument; it reminded me of my childhood dreams of buying one for my mother, she didn't play well, she only played for herself and me, but I loved to watch her play, she seemed to be completely absorbed when she played, a happy, mysterious creature outside the realms of a mother I took for granted. I took lesson but I stopped when I was old enough to get my own way, something I regretted now. Esme noticed me gazing when she asked me if I played. It caught me off guard and I was slow to answer, telling that I didn't but it was still beautiful. I asked her if it was hers. She laughed lightly, saying "Edward didn't tell you he was musical?" I should have known really, he is good at everything. "No he didn't, I should have known really," I was very clear to glare at him, he just smiled. Esme looked rather confused so I explained that he could do everything. Esme have him a disapproving look asking him whether he was showing off and that it was rude. Edward laughed at that, telling he had just a bit. She smiled at his laughter and they shared a look that I didn't understand but Esme looked rather smug after. I told her that Edward has really been quite modest and she insisted that he play for me. I really wanted to hear him play but I didn't want to ask. _

_He pulled me to the piano bench and I sat down beside him, he gazed at me before he turned his attention to the keys. The room filled with the most angelic, awe-inspiring music. I felt my jaw drop with amazement, which amused a few people behind me as I heard low chuckling. I never knew he could play so well, he truly was good at everything. I felt completely awestruck and insignificant at the same time. Why on God's green Earth, did he fall in love with me when he could have had anyone in the entire world, and chose me over it all? I knew I was nothing special or beautiful, I was never very extremely bright, or I wasn't talented; I couldn't draw particularly well, I wasn't good at sport or music. I wasn't the world's most interesting person and yet he still chose me, sometime I just don't understand why._

_The music grew to a close and he asked me whether I liked it, I asked him if he wrote it, although I already knew my answer. He nodded telling me it was Esme's favourite turning to her as she smiled. I could do nothing else but shake my head. No doubt Jasper knew what was wrong with me after all, he could feel it but when Edward asked me, I had to be honest so I told him that I felt insignificant. Another piece started as I said how I felt, and I could hear pieces of his lullaby within the rest of the music. He told me that I had inspired it, and that his family liked me, especially Esme. I turned to see them but they had gone, to give us privacy Edward had said. We spoke of his family a little as he continued to play; we also talked about Carlisle's and his silent communication which I learned was to be some visitors so he was going to be "overbearingly protective." We talked a little about his house and what I was expecting. _

_When the song ended, I had tears in my eyes. I wasn't the biggest classical music fan, I had a few favourites but that had to be easily the most breathtaking piece of music I had ever heard. I was so hard to gasp that it was about and for me. I thanked him, quickly trying to remove my tears before he saw, but I missed one which he caught with one of his fingers. I can't be sure but I swear put his finger in his mouth to taste it. I looked at him and he just gazed back, then smiled, asking me if I wanted to see the rest of the house._

_We walked hand in hand up the never-ending spirals, my other hand trailing along the rail. When we finally reached the top of the staircase there was a long hall with honey coloured panelling which was the same as the floor. He pointed out what the rooms were as we past them but I stopped dead at the end of the hall. Edward didn't notice I had stopped walking until after a few seconds when he looked at me with puzzled expression until he noticed that I was staring at the ornament which was hanging from the wall above my head. Edward told me it was alright to laugh, which I had no intention of doing, I couldn't see why he thought it was ironic. Then I remember Edward's thought's on things like this – religion, souls, what happens if he should die. I just kept on staring, my instinct was to touch it, I raised my hand to do so, but thought better of it. I wonder if the wood is a smooth as it looked. I asked him if it was old and he told me it was around the early sixteen-thirties. I also asked him why they kept, and he told me that it was Carlisle's fathers. I naturally thought that his father collected antiques but Edward corrected me, saying that he carved it himself to hang in this vicarage. I had to quickly turn back to the cross to hide the shock that hopefully wasn't betrayed on my face. I quickly did the math about the age of the cross which was about 370 years old, but how old did that make Carlisle? The silence was deafening as I tried to work out how old Carlisle was until Edward broke the silence, worrying about me being ok and I gave in, asking him how old Carlisle was. Apparently he had just celebrated his 362__nd__ birthday. _

_He told me a little of Carlisle's early life. He was born and raised in London in the early 1640's before Cromwell's rule. He was the son of an Anglican pastor who strongly believed in ridding the world of evil. He formed many of the witch-hunts (and vampires and werewolves and other mythical creatures) though he didn't catch many real ones apparently, as they were very difficult to catch but he did kill many innocent people. When his father grew old he put Carlisle in charge of the raids. He found a coven of real vampires hiding in the sewers. One night, Carlisle's raid crew were hunting a single vampire who, according to Carlisle, must have been ancient and extremely weak from hunger. He turned to attack and Carlisle was in the lead of the raid and got the worst of his attack. He lay in alley under rubbish for three day. Edward said it was a miracle that no-one heard him. Then he realised what he had become._

_Curiosity burned in my eyes when Edward finished his little speech about his father's beginning, he naturally knew I had so many questions so he took me to Carlisle's office. He placed his hand on my shoulder, causing my heart to do audible back flips which was incredibly embarrassing with Carlisle in the room, it was wonder I didn't blush, and he showed me the wall where we had just walked through Carlisle's door, it was covered in framed pictures of all shapes and sizes, some monochrome other very lively and vibrant. They were all so different and yet must be so similar to collected together on the wall, I just couldn't see why. _

_Edward was hoping that Carlisle would tell us the story of his past but he had to fill in for one of the doctors who he worked with. It was incredibly surreal to think that one minute you're talking about your childhood in the early seventeenth century to the concern of a small town doctor the next, it was extraordinarily bizarre. What was also very upsetting was that they spoke allowed for my benefit; I didn't like that, disrupting their usual manner of conversation, it didn't seem right. When Carlisle left to go to work, Edward began telling my Carlisle's story._

_Edward told me that when Carlisle had realized what he had become he was disgusted and tried to rebel against what he truly was. He told me that he tried to commit suicide, which apparently for a vampire, is very difficult to do. He jumped off cliff, tried to drown himself, but as he was a newborn he was very strong and powerful. Edward said that it was a miracle that he resisted the instinct to feed, when it is the only instinct newborns have. But as he was so revolted with what he was he had the strength to starve himself. None of his attempts work, there are few ways a vampires can be killed, I didn't have a clue how you'd do, I should have imaged the obvious such as stake, garlic, silver where all just a fictitious lie. Edward didn't dwell on that topic even though I was curious. Carlisle was very weak and loathed himself for what he was when one night his hunger got the better off him and he fed on a deer that was passing in the forest. And their way of life was born, and Carlisle found himself again. _

_Carlisle swam to France. Yeah, I know, crazy, but apparently they don't have to breathe, they do it out of habit and when they don't it get uncomfortable as they have no sense of smell. Edward expression changed at this point to one pained and full of sadness because he keeps thinking I'm going to run away screaming because something about them is going to scare me away. As if he can scare me away that easier, AS IF HE COULD GET RID OF ME THAT EASY. Doesn't he understand how much I love him, I much I need him, he is my whole reason for being on this Earth, I have no idea what I would ever do without him. He is the air I breathe, he is essential for my survival. I just wish he could see it. _

_Anyway, back to Carlisle. He studied music, science and medicine in the universities of Europe so he could save human lives as penance. Carlisle must have been in much pain if it took him two centuries to perfect the self-control he has which now __makes all but immune to human blood. I suppose that it's an added benefit when his passion is his job (as well as his family.) He found other vampires in Italy, much more civilised vampires, Aro, Caius and Marcus. They still live as they have done for many millennia. Carlisle lived with them for a few decades __but they persisted in trying to cure his aversion to 'his natural food source,' as they called it. They tried to persuade him, and he tried to persuade them, to no avail.__ Carlisle left them eventually to discover the New World. He was incredibly lonely, he must have been, he was the only one of his kind, a friendly vampire. He began practising medicine but what he truly wanted, a companion, continued to evade him. Eventually, in Chicago, when the Spanish Flu hit, he decided that inside of finding a companion, he'd create one which was against everything he stood for – taking a human life, but was so alone. _

_The chose Edward because his parents were already dead, he was completely alone in the world and there was little hope that he would survive the flu, so he tried. And he succeeded, giving the world Edward. He said we had come full circle. I asked him whether he had always stayed with Carlisle, I was quite shocked when he said he hadn't, that about 10 years after he was reborn he had a rebellious stage where he went off on his own. He thought that this would repulse me but I thought it sounded quite reasonably, not everyone is the same or wants the same things. It took him 10 years because he could read the perfect honesty in his mind and he couldn't defy him. After a few years he came back, he hunt only evil people and left the innocent as he could pick out which was which with his gift, he justified his actions as he saved lived, prevented crimes but it didn't stop the depression, him seeing himself as a monster. He went to Carlisle and Esme, he welcomed him back, even though he said it was more than he deserved, I knew he was wrong. _

_I didn't notice that we had been walking as we talked until Edward stopped outside a room I had not seen yet and if I didn't stop I wouldn't have probably walked into the door. Edward informed me that it was his room as he pulled me through the door as he opened it. His room faced south, with the wall an entire window which looked out onto their garden and the river. The west wall was completely shelved just full of music and a classy-looking sound system, the kind I was afraid to touch because I probably break it. I asked if it had good acoustics, he chuckled, putting on some music, Jazz I think. I asked him how he ordered his music – year then personal preference. I also noticed he had no bed, why would you need one when you don't ever need to sleep?_

_When I had finished staring at his mind-boggling collection of music, I noticed he was staring at me with the oddest look in his eyes. I questioned him about it; he replied that he __was prepared to feel relieved having you know about everything, not needing to keep secrets from me. But he didn't expect to feel more than that and he liked it. It made him happy. He smiled my favourite crooked smile and I told him I was glad, but the smile too quickly disappeared from his face. I asked if he was waiting for the running and screaming, he just nodded. So I told him that he wasn't as scary as he thought he was and I didn't think he was scary at all. Of course I was lying, sometimes he could really be extremely scary, but I would never tell him that. He smiled, not his usually crooked smile, this was different. This one was wicked; his eyebrows rose in disbelief before saying that I shouldn't have said that, then a growl escaped his beautiful lips as he went into half crouch. "You wouldn't dare," was all I could say as I backed up towards the wall, glaring at him._

_I didn't see him leap at me, it happened all so fast. I was airborne then crashing into sofa that flew into the wall. All the while I was locked in his iron cage of protection, I didn't even feel us hit anything, but began gasping as I tried to right myself which was extremely difficult when he refused to let go or loosen his iron grip. There was the most gorgeous grin spread across his face and humour filling his eyes like fire. "What were you saying?" he growled playfully. "That you are an exceptionally terrifying monster." "Better," he laughed, I could feel the vibrations in his chest as he laughed, it was the most magnificent sound in the world, Edward's laugh, I love to hear him laugh. _

_Our playful moment was interrupted by a knock on the door. Edward adjusted me into a more proper position before telling them, I assumed it was Alice, to come in and I were correct. She said she heard Edward having me for dinner and she wondered if she could share. I was a bit shocked by what she said but Edward was laughing at either my reaction or by what Alice had said so I relaxed and laughed to. Edward said he didn't have enough to spare as his arms which were around my waste pulled me closer to him. Jasper entered the room then asking him if he was game for a baseball match tonight in a storm. He seemed hesitant in his answer, as if thinking of what his answer would mean to me so I said I would like to go though I have little patience for sport but Edward's face lit up like a Christmas tree when I said it so I didn't mind. They thought it was funny when I asked if I would need an umbrella. So, I was going to a Vampire Baseball Game. I'll write an entry about the game later._

_Later x_

Edward laughed at when Bella spoke of her sleep talking, he thought it was quite amusing and rather adorable, and he smiled widely when she said that it couldn't be too bad if it made him happy, which it did, he loved to hear Bella speak his name and whisper that she loved him. He just couldn't help but smile when she thought he was a dream either, he whispered softly from his chair, "You silly thing, how could you think I was a dream?" and chuckled lightly when she was having her internal battle of whether she was really that imaginative, which Edward believed she was. As he read on he couldn't help but laugh when she thought Charlie was being paranoid, he had the right to be paranoid, Edward thought, his daughter is dating a vampire. Edward shook his head in disapproval of Bella sense of humour, though, he did have to admit, it was rather funny. He chuckled softly at her absurd reaction to meeting his family, after all she had sort of met them already, so why did she seem so afraid and her reaction to telling Charlie made him laugh louder but all his happiness faded when she said she wanted him to be with her forever. Although the thought of being together forever was a pleasing one, he would never do that to her, he would never change her and subject her to the life he has. However, he mood picked up when he told that she was far too tempting in what she was wearing so turned around to change and he laughed much harder and a little too loud when she fainted after him kissing her, and when he said he wasn't good at everything she told him he was too good. He couldn't help but smile when she hoped that no-one was home, obviously there was, she hoped it all the same. He was also glad she liked his home, it was the one place they didn't have to hide, all the walls came down, there was no pretence and he was glad that she liked it like that.

He also couldn't help but laugh at her bizarre view of them, the way she describes their beauty as if it was to be glorified, as it wasn't a weapon to attract prey, as if something to be marvelled. He guessed, to her, they were beautiful and their beauty should be gloried to someone who has to live with what the beauty is supposed to do then he could justify glorifying it. He, however, thought the way she saw Esme was quite amusing. His smile grew wider at how observant Bella was, swearing to never call her unobservant again, she was more observant than he gave credit for.

Edward smiled when she spoke of his piano. He loved it, but naturally, not as much as he loved Bella. It played a large part in his life and he loved to write his own music. Esme loved his music the most and he enjoyed playing for her whenever she wanted him to. Now, he has someone else to play for and write for. He laughed when Bella said she should have known he was music because he could do everything. This dampened his happy mood, because he knew he wasn't good at everything because he couldn't love Bella right like he wanted to, like he was supposed to. All the emotions were there, he had a longing that was more than just a touch or a kiss, and he had the will to act on them if he so wished which he did, he so desperately did, but he couldn't because he could never loose that kind of control when he was with her, he could end up hurting her, or worse.

And his mood only deteriorated when Bella began to criticise herself for not being good enough for him. If only she could see, he thought, if only she could see what he see in her. He sees somebody so beautiful and strong, someone he could spend the rest of him existence with, someone who was brilliant and brave, clumsy and adorable and for all these reasons and a million more was why he loved her and no-one else possessed these qualities that he loved so much, he only has eyes for Bella. His mood picks up when she reveals that she loves his music, but it was short lived when she also told him she felt insignificant, she was the most significant person in his life now, he could never be without her. And his mood only blackened again as the thought of the visitors occurred and he growled at what the consequences of their visit were.

However, he regained his smile when she said that she loved his lullaby for her and laughed a little too enthusiastically as Bella stirred a little but went straight back to sleep, about the tear he supposedly ate, he whispered, trying his hardest not to laugh, "Yes, yes you were right." His laughter continued as Bella grew curious about Carlisle past. He spoke quietly aloud, "Your curiosity got us into this mess, but I wouldn't have you any other way." And the amusement kept on coming, as he laughed at her embarrassing heart, thinking it was a beautiful heart and that Carlisle surely didn't mind. He laughed also, at her musings, wishing he could hear them more often, and he didn't have to read her diary to hear them. He had a fit when she wrote in capitals; as if he could get rid of me that easily, it was positively the funniest thing she had wrote to date.

His blissful mood was shattered when although he loved knowing she needed him as much as he needed her, it made him upset to know that someday it would have to end, he couldn't always be with her even though he wanted her to be with him forever, he wouldn't do that to her, he just wouldn't.

Happiness returned soon after as he laughed at her comment about breaking his sound system if she touched it, he laughed because if she did touch it, it probably would break, knowing her luck. He laughed harder at the memory of her saying he wasn't as scary as he thought he was and she didn't think he was scary at all. His laughter was almost loud enough to wake Bella when she changed her mind after he launched them both into the sofa.

Edward rose from his chair and crossed the room, he got onto Bella's bed, lying down next to her, whispering "I love you," into her ear. Bella rolled over snuggling herself up to him. Edward smiled down on her, just like an angel, he smiled his beautiful Bella and her beautiful nature putting everyone else before herself. He was eager to read on, though he knew thing were only going to get worse from here on in, and it was about to now as a stone hit Bella's window.

And then again.

And again.

**[A/N: Who is throwing stones? Hmmm. Anyway, hope you liked it, I will try and update soon. And remember to review, because I appreciate every one of them, each one makes my day :D Thanks guys]**


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